All along since I can first remember noticing I have had a desire to touch myself and other girls. Yes, as girls we did touch each other and let ourselves be touched. We experimented with kissing and caressing and as we went through puberty playing with our boobs.

For me this one girl in particular was my focus, day and night all I though about was her. When she slept over we slept naked in bed trying to get as much sensation as possible. We played with insertions, how big, how much, what else could we use. We declared our love for each other. But at puberty she backed off saying it was wrong.

I won't hold back, I was crushed, my whole world ended and I went on a rampage with other girls, to hurt her, to show her. She said she didn't care. When she started to date this guy and she told me she had kissed with him, I went and let this guy who was always coming after me fuck me, and I told her I had let him fuck me. She told me fine, if I fucked a guy, we were over.

For prom in our senior year, she said she was going with this guy Joe. I told her I wasn't going. I didn't want to go with a guy, she knew how I felt. She said fine, stay home. On prom night, she called me and asked if I had a date. I said no. So guess what? She cancelled her date and came to stay with me. Out of the blue after treating me like shit for two years, she comes over and wants to make up. That guys suck and she wants to go back with me, that she was still really hurt I had let myself get fucked, she promised over and over again she never let herself get fucked. I asked her why? Why did she drop me like that.

Now we are going together again. I love that she has never let a guy fuck her and I feel bad that I let a guy fuck me. I just wish she had been honest with me and told me that she was never going to let that happen, I would never have let that happen if I had known she was always going to be mine regardless.

When you love someone as much as I love her, it hurts to be pushed aside. I am glad she recognized that she is meant to be with me. And I am oh so glad that she never let a guy fuck her, I don't think I could have gotten over that.