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Bi-Sexual Female / 28

I wish I knew why I don't feel depressed and upset about being r**ed. Like, the fact that I don't upsets me more than the things that have happened to me. I'm not happy about it, by any stretch.

I was pretty broken down the first time it happened, but I seemed to get past it pretty quick even then. Then it happened again. And it kept happening. Usually by the same person, who I couldn't get away from, but sometimes by others. I don't know if I just can't process it anymore, like I got used to it or something somewhere around the 10th time.

It doesn't even bother me to think about and describe what happened to me. I've described it in detail to people I know only want to hear about it because they get turned on by it. My boyfriend and I re-enacted one of my r**es, and I broke down afterward not because it made me re-live it but because I kinda wanted it to give me like PTSD flashbacks and when it didn't I just, I don't know, felt like something was missing, like I'm broken or something.

Idk, if anyone wants to tell me if I'm broken or not, or even just wants to hear about my experiences (even if you just want to jerk off to it) just say something in the comments.

23
# 27044 - by Anonymous / April 23, 2016
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Comments

Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 23, 2016 at 8:09 PM

Can I r**e you and find out?

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 23, 2016 at 11:38 PM

No :I

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 24, 2016 at 12:14 AM

I wouldn't use the word "broken" but I do think you have been desensitized. Perhaps it's just the extreme nature of our culture in a post-Internet world. Or perhaps it's the normalization of sexual misbehavior. You probably cried over the loss of that innocence you should have had, but were robbed of.

I would also offer up that you may simply be very emotionally mature. A bad thing happened. You know you can't change it, so you don't dwell on it and allow it to control your life. It's called acceptance. Not acceptance that what happened to you was wrong, but that for better or worse--it's a part of you now.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 24, 2016 at 1:27 PM

I hope that's the case, that I'm just mature. I don't feel completely numb to it, but I can't even bring myself to hate the person that did most of it. I stay away from him as often as possible, but when we are somewhere together, family gatherings, etc. We joke around like everything's okay.

And it's not like he doesn't know he was abusing me, or he thinks what he did was okay, he knows it wasn't, he just doesn't care.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 24, 2016 at 6:34 PM

Details

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 24, 2016 at 11:47 PM

Details of which? The first time I was r**ed? The most recent? The one we re-enacted? All of them that I can remember?

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 25, 2016 at 1:11 AM

all that you can remember

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 25, 2016 at 5:49 AM

Please share the details

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 25, 2016 at 6:03 AM

How many r**es? By who? Did you ever cum?

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 25, 2016 at 6:11 AM

I would enjoy some details also. I enjoy role-play r**e. I enjoy having a woman that cant stop what i want to do to her. who was it that r**ed you?

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 25, 2016 at 8:20 AM

I moved in with my uncle when I was 16, partly to get away from my mother and partly because I didn't have anywhere else to go. Mom was a whole different basket of crazy, I won't get into that.

My uncle was of the opinion that, since I was living under his roof and not contributing (at the time I really couldn't) then he had a right to my body. For a long time, I didn't disagree.

The first time, he came into my room after he got back from work. I was sitting at my desk. He grabbed me by the arm and pulled me out of the chair and threw me half onto the bed, face down. He pinned me, pulled my jeans down, then his. He said something about collecting rent, but I think he was a bit drunk and I couldn't understand him. Then he just stuffed his cock into me.

I don't know how long he fucked me. It felt like forever. He pullout and came on my ass, and he left the room. I just crawled the rest of the way into bed and cried myself to sleep. Didn't even pull my pants back up. Next morning I woke up, took a shower, and had breakfast with him. I didn't say anything. He mentioned it, so he didn't just forget, but the rest of the morning went the same as any other.

He didn't do it every day or week, or even every month, but probably about 6 times a year for the 4 years I lived with him. The second time was about a month after the first. I don't know what I said or did, but he got really pissed off and threw me to the floor in the living room. Ripped my shorts and panties pulling them off. He kept slapping me while he was fucking me, then he came on my face and went and locked himself in his room.

Most of the others went on more or less like that. Out of the blue he would grab me, or push me down, fuck me, and walk away. He didn't fuck my ass or my mouth, and he didn't cum inside me.

But, there were times when we weren't going to make rent that month. So, he found a way to make rent. The first time, and this is the time we re-enacted, he came into my room, didn't say anything, didn't answer me when I asked him what he was doing. He tied my arms behind my back and tied my legs together at the knee.

Then another man came in. I didn't see his face because of the mask, and he didn't speak to me. The first thing he did was fuck my pussy. He had to bend me forward to get access since my legs were tied closed. He came inside, and I was lucky I didn't get pregnant. Then he took a break. He went through my things and toyed with me, shoved a few of my sharpies into me.

When he was done with his break, he stuffed his cock back into my pussy, just once, then shoved it into my ass and started fucking my ass, the first time anything larger than a sharpie had been up my ass. I screamed from the pain, but predictably he didn't stop, didn't even react to it. It hurt, it felt like my asshole was going to split like a stretched out rubber band, and it hurt inside like someone was jabbing me in the stomach. I was bleeding when he was done.

He didn't finish in my ass though. As he was almost finished, he pulled out and flipped me over. He put his cock head to my lips, and since I wasn't in a position to fight I just opened my mouth. His cock tasted like blood and shit, and he forced it into my throat. He didn't stop until my nose touched his crotch, then he shook my head a bit, I think just to bring him over the edge. I nearly threw up from my gag reflex. Couldn't breathe.

He pulled out and I had to just focus on breathing for a few minutes. I cried, sobbed really, but more just as a reaction to the pain in my ass and the suffocation. He flipped me over on my bed, facing away from him, and he laid down next to me. Spooning me.

I don't know when I fell asleep, but when I woke up I was untied and he wasn't there, and we suddenly had enough to cover our rent that month.

Eventually it got to the point I didn't fight it at all anymore. He didn't need to tie me up, if he sent someone into my room I just let them do what they wanted. Didn't happen often, but it was better just to go with it. We needed the money anyway.

Yes, I did have an orgasm some of the times I was being r**ed.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 26, 2016 at 10:59 AM

First, you are referencing what you feel has been sexual misconduct. Mainstream overuse, misuse & abuse of the 'r' word has rendered it useless anymore. Secondly, intensive studies indicate that your experiences as well as your reactive feelings following each of those sexual encounters or incidents is simply a sociological reset. i.e. reportedly, dozens of women and girls share similar feelings and reactions to their being persuasively subdued sexually.. For many years much of society has the habit of "pushing the envelope".. Correspondingly, our society and culture have adopted the habit of pushing the extremes as well.. Furthermore although silently and very naturally across all age demographics, society was bound to find a new normalization of sexual behavior that more accurately defines your experiences as common or mainstream.. You experienced a new but common sexual variant. Add to that the abounding, widespread sympathy for Muslims with the influx of Sharia law regarding women and the picture becomes clearer regarding appropriate and common societal evolution.. We fully understand the Arabian natural treatment of European women upon their injection to that society.. Like there, Men aggressively persuaded you to submit and you have mixed feelings about it. The good news is that you are not "broken" in any respect. Like anything new, your emotions are adjusting to it.. Naturally it took longer to process after the first time however you now admit to getting used to it and it feeling normal. Like many women, you admit to adjusting reasonably quick even from the first experience.. Moreover, not feeling upset after the first experience as well as the subsequent encounters should not concern you. It is an integral piece of your Acceptance.. Other women report the same mode of emotions regarding their acceptance. Due to that, psychologists indicate you in particular as being very mature emotionally.. ACCEPTANCE is the keyword regarding our sexual diversity and its variations, including the increasingly popularity of persuasively aggressive coitus..

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 26, 2016 at 6:49 PM

No I'm pretty sure I was r**ed. As in forced to have sex when I didn't consent to it. Especially those times I was, you know, under age. Just because I didn't fight like hell to avoid something I felt was inevitable doesn't mean it wasn't r**e. Rape. Raaape. Not forced sex, not nonconsensual sex, not "persuasively aggressive coitus." Rape.

I was r**ed. By my uncle, who is a rapist, and several other men, who are also rapists, because they had sex with someone, that someone being me, against their will, which is, can you guess what I'm going to say next? Rape.

And Muslims had nothing to do with it. Allahu Akbar.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 26, 2016 at 7:27 PM

And if your next response is wall of text that doesn't have fucking line breaks I'm not even going to read it. I'd rather drill a hole in my skull and pour lemon juice on my brain.

An ellipsis is a punctuation with three fucking dots... not two, and I will literally stop reading if I see that shit again. If anything.. has been.. overused.. misused.. and abused.. it's the ellipses in the eye strain inducing wall of text you just handed me as a comment on my confession.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 27, 2016 at 3:11 PM

First and most important of all is for people to acknowledge that you were r**ed. This might not be the place where you should find support. And you seem to need one. Try going to a psychologist, there is confidentiality between a doctor and patient. There might also be r**e help desk or support groups in your area.

It is not wise to ask what psychologically happened to you here, since the people here might be psychologically perverts themselves, without realizing it themselves. Or worse realizing it, but manipulating you and other women about their own belief of what r**e is. Probably did something similar and trying to get away from their conscience by rationalizing that it wasn't r**e.

I'm really sorry for what happened to you. Go find legal advice too(there is confidentiality between a lawyer and his client). There might also be free legal assistance in your area especially for r**e cases.

You might have a sense of gratitude for your uncle that's why you don't hate him for what he did. But as you said it was r**e, you did not consent, and you were a minor. And it was i****tuous. When he let other people r**e you for money that's another form of crime. Not sure what but something like human trafficking, white slavery, prostitution. The other men r**ed you too.


Back to your uncle. You might not want to implicate your uncle by filing charges. In some countries what he did can be punished by the death penalty. Maybe you love your uncle as a relative, who was there for you when you needed a place to stay(although not there for you to save you from this inhumane r**e). The decision is yours. But if we allow rapists to be free, what's stopping them from making another innocent helpless girl into another r**e victim.


May God bless you, and

You seem to be very intelligent and you probably know better on what to do.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 28, 2016 at 10:15 AM

Honestly, if he did any of that to someone else, I would kill him. I'm not saying this as like a best of the moment oh I'd be pissed kinda thing I mean if he did that to someone else, I would go to his house on the pretense of a visit. Drug him, or taze him, something to take him out of commission long enough for me to work.

I'd tie his wrists to the radiator in his room, stuff a broom handle up his ass, slash his hamstrings with a knife so that even if he got loose he couldn't stand, then set his old ass not-exactly-flame-resistent house on fire with him in it. Then I'd turn myself in.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on Apr 28, 2016 at 10:15 AM

Heat of the moment*

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 3, 2016 at 3:18 AM

After discussing this with several of my female friends as well as their absorbing the method[s] and context of the language, we determined that the report should not be deemed credible. Girl may have executed some erroneous choices like living with her uncle over her own mother, however she states that for the longest time she didn't disagree to his sexual use of her body, she had opportunity to flee the setting, she experienced actual orgasms during penile penetration of her vagina, following the 4 year period, she chooses to reenact a situation of being violated and to our disbelief, she even enjoys the sexual enjoyment men receive by her detailing description of her being violated prior. Needless to say, these less than wise selections are not consistent at all with other reports and the victims descriptions of sexual misconduct bestowed upon them. Our own reasonable conclusion would be to dismiss the account as bogus..

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 5, 2016 at 10:07 AM

Oh hey look it's Mr. Doesn't-understand-how-ellipses-work. My reasonable conclusion is to dismiss that you even have female friends, that even if you did, any of you are an authority on psychology or r**e, r**e, Rape, and to also conclude that you're still incapable of finding the enter button on your keyboard.

I'm not buying your pseudointellectual bullshit and I'm not going to argue the validity of my confession with you.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 7, 2016 at 5:59 AM

Objection Overruled. Miss, you already HAVE argued validity UNSUCCESSFULLY.. Moreover, the ruling body here dismissed your account as bogus due to counsels' adroitly presented argument. Additionally & Beyond Dispute, your & countless other female's perceived indifference to sexual relations in general further serves to underscore the authority of a Man to execute sexual relations when he determines the need to.. As a side note, the acceptance of aggressively persuasive sexual relations by women in general has always been pervasive.. In a further side note, your choice to post your feelings as a CONFESSION raises red flags as if you need to relieve yourself of guilt regarding this issue.. That alone will question your integrity, credibility and accountability concerning this..

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 7, 2016 at 9:33 AM

If anybody actually intelligent wants to comment I'll be happy to reply again. This guy's trying too hard to sound intelligent when he can't even figure out line breaks or how periods and ellipses work. If he's the only one sticking around here I'm not going to bother.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 7, 2016 at 10:07 AM

For the record, a period is one dot. It's used to end a sentence. One dot, not two.

An ellipsis is three dots, like this: "..."

An ellipsis is intended to be used to indicate that parts of text are missing or unimportant. For instance if I were to write out the phrase "This guy has no idea what he's talking about, he doesn't even know how to use ellipses correctly." I could shorten it to the relevant text like this: "This guy... doesn't even know how to use ellipses correctly." As an example.

That's not to say that's the only way to use ellipses. More and more people are using it to indicate a long pause, like a comma but longer. For instance, I could use it like this: "Um... do you even understand how transparent you are?"

However, that being said, ellipses should never be used in place of periods or commas. That just looks ridiculous.

Furthermore, an ellipsis is, as I mentioned, three dots. Not two. I have yet to find a punctuation in such common use besides a colon ":" that contains 2 dots. One dot or three dots. Not two. Pick one, or three.

Now since line breaks seem to be a foreign concept as well, let me explain how those work. A line break is used to section off larger amounts of text into smaller paragraphs so that people don't see a wall of text that looks tiresome to read.

Much like how a period is used to end a sentence so that people aren't subjected to an overly long line if text with no break, a line break is used to end a paragraph so that the text as a whole is easier to manage. Nobody wants to see 50 lines of text with no line breaks. It strains the eyes. Nobody wants to read it.

To create a line break, all you have to do is find that enter button on the right side of your keyboard and hit it twice. It will be indicated either by the word "enter" or "return" or as in my case, with a symbol of an arrow with a sort of hook shape to it. And don't try to tell me you can't do it because you're on mobile, I'm on mobile as I'm typing this.

This has been a lesson in punctuation and text formatting as provided by yours truly, a Rape victim.

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Anonymous

by Anonymous on May 17, 2016 at 2:59 PM

That's better Miss. Unlike some deponents, at least I've been able to help you understand why there are too many holes in your complaint that deny your claim of sexual misconduct as legitimate. Spin the chain of events even with punctuation as you may, however when all the t's were crossed at the finale, you can see there was no victim. That stated in other words would say : You stick to your elliptics & I'll stick to law.

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