I have an uncontrolable paranoia of herpes. Yeah, yeah. I get it. You came here to get your rocks off, and here I am talking about an STD. Okay, I'm just here to actually CONFESS something, and not just say "I was so straight, but I had gay sex, COCKCOCKCOCKCOCKCOCKCOCK." But, don't worry. I got some fap material for you guys.

Now, I highly doubt anyone here has told an actual true story, as of late. However, here's my little sketch. I used to be a full blown bottom. Just loved sucking cock and getting fucked. When I turned 9, I tried to kiss a boy. By 13, I thought I was gay. By 18, I already did cam shows through gaycam.**m or something, an dgot this old dude wanting to fuck me. Was into him, too. But, he and I ended, and my first was a 33 year old straight guy who pussied out of ever going further than wanting to fuck me. Pansy.

However, by sophmore year of college (just gotten through my sophmore year), I been with over 50 people sexually. One girl (I ate out and loved it) and the rest were men. About 6 of them were guys my age (18-23). However, most of them were men old enough to be my dad (33-65). Through the process, I learned that I love rimming an ass, sucking cock, some times like getting fucked, LOVE getting fingered, and slowly becomig a dominant top. I also like the fact that I'm kind of becoming daddy material myself (nice facial hair, cocky grin working, getting some strength, and being talented in bed (learned to to fuck someone and suck their cock at the same time too, but that needs some flexibility)). But, there's on guy who I fuck with the most.

I love rednecks. Maybe it's their casual ways of living, or some masculinity gender conformity. Or, hell, could be the porn that I watched that caused me to be like this. But, I love redneck men. Sure, they can be idiots and too playful, but they can be some great fucks. But, I like my men hairy, tall, and muscle-gutted. I instead, got a tall and athletic 51 year old dad with an 8 incher.

We met through CL, and he needed a queer to take his cock. I sent him pics, and he was set on meeting me. At first, we were kind of awkward, since he couldn't hide himself well with being a cabbie. But, the night we met at the Motel 6 was something. I gave him a nice sloppy BJ, that made him go nuts. He wanted pussy then, and I was there for the taking. He got the condom on, and tried to fuck ne with the lube. Funny thing about me: I never used actual lube. I use my spit, since I make so much salivia, due to a medical issue. Besides that, I never taken a dick with a condom. Has this gotten me in trouble? Well, whenever someone fucked me, I trusted them, and knew them through multiple encounters. But, I had gonorrhea before, and currently have genital warts. However, I never had any problems, besides the one incident at the time. So, when he tried to duck me with a lubed condom covered big dick, you can say that my insides were is severe pain. I couldn't do it. But, with being horny, he took the condom off, and fucked me bareback. Things frlt less painful, and I moaned like a girl. He thrusted in my guts like a real man, and painted my insides white. And after a bit of me bleeding in the bathroom, we held each other in a loving embrace.

Fast-foward to now, we still fuck each other. I sometimes fuck him, but, I've been known to be too gentle. But, I still dlobber his cock, and still ride that fucker bare. However, this where the confessions get a bit sentimental; I kind of want someone else.

True. I want a daddy to fuck me. To rough up my guts, maybe call me names, then bend over for me to make his ass a creamy seclusolion. But, I kind of want someone I'm into. Maybe someone my own age. I'm still care about him, and I really think highly of him. He's an amazing a great guy (a bit racist and too full of himself, but, I clearly got my flaws). But, he doesn't really do it for me. I just kind of see him as a friend who I like to have sex with a few times, here and there. But, he sees me as something different.

Years ago, by the time I should be around 8, he had a divorce with his wife. His wife held him accountable for making her pregnant, and she mentally abused and financially manipulated him. Fast-forward to where I should be 14, he met his first male lover, who was an alcoholic asshole, who suppressed his homosexuality by hitting women and being homophobic. This led to the man I'm with now being very cautious with trust, and making wanting a relationship with me.

So, yeah. A fuck buddy who's old enough to be my dad, wants to be my boyfriend. I thought about it, and am willing to date him. But, I honestly can't go through with that. He's too old for me to be romantically involved, because my parents would lose their shit. My friends know about him, but feel uncomfortable with me doing this. I just don't want to do it, simply put, he just isn't al that for me as a boyfriend. Sure, he has a house, money and is agreat guy. But, I just want his friendship. I can have moments of loving him. But, they're just moments, which follow up by sexual lust. I'm not attracted to him, I just like being in something sexual, and having that option. He deserves a twink/jock who would really be in love with him, and there's a lot to love. But, I'm not his man.

Now, back to the beginning sentence. Sure. I could go back to CL, Growlr, Grindr, or Adam4Adam. But, I'm scared of getting something. Yes, condoms are helpful. But, they cna only go so far. I have HPV, which should go away with meds, and me being single for a bit. However, I'm scared of getting something again. I'm scared of having to deal with men I' not attracted to, in order to bust a nut. But, I'm really scared of hurting this guy.

I want to have a boyfriend of my own, one day. One who can play some sports with. Work out. Talk about girls and maybe sput-roast one. But, also be in love with, and spend our lives together. Bot half a life (I really don't mean tk sound cruel). But, the guy isn't doing it for me. But, I also want sex.

The guy offers great fucks. He also is an amazing friend. I want to be there for him. I want him to have some help. I really wanna be there to encourage him to find a boy-toy for him (I knew a 65 year old guy who got a 23 year old twink to fall in love with him. And they're both broke, but, it does happen. However, the man is kind of too chubby for my tastes, and twink is really femme).

But, that's it. Plain and simple. I want to have sex (he probably has HPV thanks to me, too. And it is safe to fuck each other if you have the same type. Also, it does go away and makes no pain whatsoever. He also agreed to still have bareback sex with me). But, I don't want to hurt him, or catch something. If only there were sexy men in St. Louis.