After my divorce I found myself at home alone after work. My house became a two room place, the kitchen table and the chair in front of the TV. Bored I started searching for stuff on the computer, how or why I tripped across gay porn I don't know, but I started to watch, to jerk off while I watched. I gave up on obvious models, focusing on what seemed to be more natural men, men like me, 50 plus. I started to fantasize, to go back again and again to sites I kept a list of, naked older men, and older men having sex, blow jobs, anal sex, especially anal sex a man my age fucking a man my age. I didn't fantasize about doing the fucking, but fantasized about being fucked, feeling a man fuck me.

I went 30 miles away from my house to another town to visit an adult sex shop and bought a couple of dildos, and a couple of butt plugs and some lube and went home to practice. At first I felt guilty about it, but soon found that I enjoyed it. The butt plugs helped, well lubed and in my ass, and I kept them there, sitting on them and moving around on them while I jerked off, sitting on them while I had breakfast, sitting on them in my car while I drove to and from work. Looking at pictures of men and measuring myself for them, to get fucked by one of them.

I joined a couple of adult gay dating sites. I left messages and answered a few. I came close, but lost my nerve. Then one Saturday afternoon I put an add on Craigslist and said I could host, I wanted a man in his late fifties, who wanted to be sucked. I played with the add, and then posted it and I was e-mailed a couple of hours later. A man who described himself as hard working, he was an a/c technician, needed to be serviced, he could stop by after 7 p.m. He sent a picture of his dick and I wanted it.

He came by like he said, no names, he took his dick out of his pants and stood in front of the chair in the living room and told me to suck him off, he didn't have enough time to mess around, and so I sucked my first dick. He told me I was a fake and didn't know what I was doing, but I got to it and using my hand I jerked him and he got off and tasted cum for the first time. When I was done he left.

On Sunday afternoon he stopped by again and told me he was giving me a second chance, he needed to be serviced, to do it right and quick and get him off and to make sure that when he got off to have his dick in my mouth. My second time was better, I used my hand, I used my mouth and when he came I kept my mouth on him and he shot it all in my mouth. Not knowing what to do I swallowed it. It felt good to make him cum and to swallow. He was pleased and left and said that he worked late and he would come by from time to time to give me a chance to improve my technique.

But no chance he was going to fuck me, or anything else, he just wanted me to blow him. I got braver on the dating sites and said I was happy to receive. I messaged with a man and agreed to meet, we agreed to meet at the counter of this bar/hamburger shop. To wear a given color shirt and if he felt it was worth it he would make the contact.

I waited a long time, before he came over and asked if the seat beside me was free. He ordered, and didn't talk to me, after his food came, he made small talk about sports. When he was through, he leaned over and told me to meet him at his car, it was a Cadillac, to just walk over and get in the passenger seat. We went to a Motel 6 where he had a room already, he asked me if I had brought lube. I said no, I didn't know. He acted annoyed, and went out to his car and brought it in the lube. He said for me to get naked and get on the bed and lower my head into the pillow.

He got behind me and used two fingers to really lube me up using his fingers to open me up and then got behind me and thrust his dick into my ass. I tried not to breathe funny, but it was impossible, the feeling was so much more than my butt plugs or dildos, he fucked until he came and pulled out dripping on to my back. After I got dressed he dropped me off back at the grill. I never heard from him again.

I have met up with several men, a couple from the dating sight, the others from Craigslist. It is a risk, but they will answer and show up, I've been fucked by half a dozen, an even six, and sucked off many more. I really want to spend some time, I know that meeting like this is for the moment, the blow job or the fuck and its risky as hell, but I size these guys up and have walked away several times.

I keep watching porn, always two older men, there is a nice sight where you can find a lot of short and longer videos. But the real thing is best. I want the real thing.