I have known of my lesbians orientation since early middle school. I have had two real girlfriends. Several crushes.

I chose, not forced on me at all, to live a straight life, marry a man and have children.

I confessed my orientation to him before getting married, p.s. I was 22. I told him if he gave me a life I would be the best wife he could dream of, be the best mother of his children, I would renounce all lesbian behavior.

I love a woman, it is not a crush. I hurt inside because I can't be with her, tell her I love her, reach for her and hold her close. It is affecting my marriages, I just can't get in the mood with my husband. Only my children keep me from making the biggest mistake of my life, being unjust and unfair with my husband.

I went to my husband, he understands but won't free me from my promise to him.