First I think that part of my problems is that I am a military brat without a father at home. My father was a career non-commissioned officer, and retired after 25 years in the service. My mother is Puerto Rican so for almost all of my growing up years we lived there, with my sisters. My father came in and out of our lives depending on where he was stationed. When he retired he came home and our lives got miserable.

Of course we disobeyed him, we were teenagers and we didn't really know him. We were grounded most of the time. No boys were allowed to talk to us. We were taken out of normal school and put in a Catholic all girls school. After college I told myself I would leave. After I graduated my mother helped me leave by sending me to live with her cousin on the mainland. I got a job through a placement agency.

One week after I started work an older man had taken me to a motel without telling me where we were going and I lost my virginity and became his girlfriend on the side. He helped me with rent and I moved out of my mother's cousin's house into an apartment, where he could come see me whenever he wanted. I had very little freedom, he insisted on me being available at a moment's notice. I had to have food and drink and his clothes washed and ready for him if he spent the night. I had a half closet of his clothes, his shoes, his shaving cream and his toothbrush. I was always available.

Things got more and more complicated, I started to call myself his wife because that is what I really was. I settle down to live a life of a married woman. I had two children. I used his name on everything, even if I wasn't entitled to it. I called myself his wife and I called him my husband. We had purchased a home, we were living together and for all intense and purposes married.

One day I was served papers by a lawyer. His ex-wife wasn't ex, she was still officially married to him. She was suing him for everything he had, even though she hadn't lived with him for over ten years. I was devastated, and to protect my children I sent them to stay with my mother. The divorce was expensive and we lost everything, including we had to sell the house we lived in.

My relationship with him ended. He blamed me. I am alone with two kids, the little child support doesn't help much. I am 30 now and starting from the bottom. And to make matters worse, I have gotten involved with an older married man. I need the money, I need the financial help. I can't do it on my own. Ask me if I know that what I am doing is wrong and really stupid and I agree with you. But not when he calls and wants to see me.