I don't really know where else to go with this ". I'd rather it not get deleted since I'm not advocating anything I about to post about. Exact opposite, actually. I'm pretty suicidal, man. I don't think I deserve to live. The shit that gets me sexually aroused is just too fucked up. Young girls. Not, like, eight year olds, or anything. But girls that just hit puberty or have been going through it for a few years. Like, I'm twenty five, man. I shouldn't be able to find 12, 13, 14 year olds attractive. I'm attracted to adult women, too, but the fact that I can see a girl that young and see anything sexual about her just really fucks me up. I don't download k********n, or anything, but I've had fantasies. I'm so sick of knowing what a piece of absolute scum I am. I don't enjoy anything anymore. I can't. I can't write music anymore, I can't hang out with friends anymore. All I do is drink and think about ways to end it now. I just want peace. And I can't have that here knowing that I'm a piece of shit human being. I don't want this. I hate this. And it's all I can think about day in and day out. Every time I think I'm okay, I get reminded that I'm a sick fucking bastard and I just go right back to sulking. I just wish I was never born, man. This is fucking miserable.