When I got together with my boyfriend, I had to put up with his exwife and all her demands on him. She had two kids, and she was always needing for him to take care of this or that. I felt she wasn't 'divorced'. I was sleeping with him, so I didn't have that to deal with. But he took care of her. At first I though how nice, he cares, then I though why can't she grow up and take care of her personal stuff herself. I was close to breaking up with him, he was still 'married' over there. But I got pregnant.

I now have a toddler and an infant. I am stay at home. At first I thought I could never stay at home but now I don't think I can ever go back to work. I call him every day, I need him to keep my life in control. I never in a million years thought that having two little kids would take all my time. I worry that I don't get to the house. I worry that I don't get to him. I just don't have the same need for sex. I'm passive now.


He has to take care of two homes, two women and two sets of kids. I worry about him. His exwife is still 'married', she won't ever change. He is not 'divorced' from her, he just doesn't live there. But he is still the husband and provider. I want to be able to be enthusiastic like I was when I was still new to him. I think about sex, but by the time he rolls on all I want is for him to do his business and roll off. And many many times I have thought about telling him to go to his exwife and have some quality time with her. She is a nice lady, now that I know her. I just think that she was overwhelmed with the kids, the house and a husband. I know the feeling, I don't judge her any more.

I have thought about work, how it was. I just can't go back to that. I just want to take care of my kids, be at home and take care of him. I have thought that I need an alliance with her, between the two of us to manage our lives, not be so needy on him. I don't think a man wants to have a helpless woman who is scared. Maybe we can work it out so that we look after things for each other and don't have to rely on him so much, so when we are with him we are alive and active and have the energy that we had before.

I am not stupid about this, he got involved with me because he needed some alone time for himself. I don't want that to happen again.