I took a room, temporarily, with a widower who had a room to let. At the time I was getting seriously involved with my girlfriend and we were planning on living together. One night after a heated discussion with him about my 'behavior' he grabbed me and imposed himself on me. I lost all control of my will and I became extremely wet and when he finished I didn't want him to let me go. After that experience with him I let him have sex with me, I get this feeling I can't explain when I feel that he is completing himself with me. Afterwards all I want to do is stay beside him until he gives me permission to get up. I can lay there for an hour and just listen to him breathe.

This has caused many problems with my girlfriend, who I love and want to spend my time with. I just want her to know how I feel when I am with him and I want her to share that experience with me. I don't have a way of explaining to her what it feels like. I don't want to move out now. I enjoy as much as ever when my girlfriend and I have our time together, but she can't give me the same feeling I have when he is with me. I want to sleep with him, and be close with him at night. When I am with him and he starts to want me I get so nervous in a wonderful way until he takes me and we are together.