At 19 I became pregnant with a guest lecturer at my college. I had twin girls. After a year of waiting he broke up with his then girlfriend and we got married. I had just turned 21 and he was going to turn 39. Two years later I had another pregnancy. Three girls.

We, the four of us, are his 'girls'. I'm the oldest, but I am still one of the girls. I gat a whole lot of supervision. I live well, by comparison to my friends who are my age. We have different friends, only sometimes do I mix with his friends. He never mixes with my friends. He lets me take care of the kids, but he takes care of me. Picture being 12 or 13 and how you behave with daddy. That's me, 29 a woman child to him, not yet old enough to make decisions for myself.

He loves me, loves me too much, I escape to get some space. On the outside I have a loving husband and father for my kids. On the inside I have another father. It is so hard to be the mother, my kids knows who is really in charge, their father. At home they call me by name. Big sister little sister, that is how I feel.

I went to college to leave home, but I just jumped to another father.