There is a strip club near where I live where you tip the girls with "Bare Bucks." instead of dollar bills. They look kind of like monopoly money except they have pictures of naked girls pole dancing on the front. They only come in denominations of $1. It seems in our county it isn't legal to tip strippers with actual cash. So they came up with "Bare Bucks." You can buy $20 worth for $20 but you can get a discount if you buy larger quantities. So $50 will get you $55 in Bare Bucks and $100 will get you $120 worth of Bare Bucks and so on.

One day I realized that I had left an unspent Bare Buck in my pocket. I took a good look at it and realized that it was crudely made and could easily be counterfeited with a regular printer and some pink paper. It took some shopping around but I found the exact pink printer paper they used. I think they thought nobody would figure out where they got the paper because it is an unusual shade of pink. That was probably their only attempt to prevent counterfeiting. I bought a case of the stuff for $35 and some fresh ink for my computer and found I could print 8 Bare Bucks to a sheet for a total of $40,000 worth of Bare Bucks.

While it isn't completely free, I'm on my third printer (wore out the first two) and the paper and ink does cost me some money, I actually spend less than a cent to make one Bare Buck so it's almost free. I've been getting free drinks (they accept Bare Bucks for payment) free sandwiches, free lap dances and free blow jobs for three years now and nobody has been the wiser. The only thing I ever have to pay is the $5 cover if I show up after 5pm. Most of the time I get there around 4 so that isn't a problem either.

Ever have two girls make out with you will you feel them up while two other girls lick your ear drums and offer to do very naughty things to you? I have. Ever have a one man bachelor's party? I have. Ever have the owner's 16 year old daughter fuck you in the back room in exchange for 125 sheets of worthless paper? I have. The best part is that place is such a high volume club that a dozen guys could do what I do and they'd never catch on. You go to the bouncer at the door and they let you in. Then you go to the ATM and buy your Bare Bucks so the management has no idea how many each customer buys. So nobody checks to see if I walked in with any and even if I did I could say they were left over from my last visit and since I always spend piles of Bare Bucks I am treated like a king. If they ever think to change how they sell the Bare Bucks to having the bouncer sell them then they could figure out that I never buy any. I just go into the ATM room, close the curtain, pretend I'm buying then a few minutes walk out with the same pocketful I came in with. I go up to the bar and order a drink and sandwich. Before it's served a couple of teenage girls sit on either side of me and have their hands in my pants while I grope them and when the food arrives they hand feed me. Then I go to the lounge and sit back while the girls, usually two or three at a time make me feel very welcome while I watch the stage show which usually includes three girls. Usually there are 40 girls and 500 guys there by 5 pm and double that number by midnight. The all you can eat breakfast buffet is nice on Sunday mornings. I probably eat half my meals there now and NEVER buy booze. I've already reserved my private Superbowl party. Me and 12 girls and three 72 inch screens. One with the game and the other two show porn while the girls spend hours attempting to distract me from the game. Imagine having 12 mouths, 120 fingers, 24 tits, 12 asses and 12 pussies all rubbing all over you while you are trying to pay attention to the game?