Last week I visited my parents house as I usually do on a Thursday.
Go on my own as my wife and mum fell out with each other over something silly and both are as stubborn as mules nd neither will apologise.
So going on my own is so much easier.
Well I got there and walked in as normal. Mum in the kitchen as per usual. Now dad normally sat in his chair half asleep. Not tonight. He was out on a works do, so mum explained.
Well the usual mundane chat ensued as I clock watched. 20 minutes in mum wandered off and grab a bottle of her favourite wine. "Booze on a school night mother" I joked. "Sod it! I'm off tomorrow and I need something to knock me out because of your dad's snoring" she laughed.
Mum guzzler down the bottle in less than an hour. Then cracked open another. "You'll regret it" I joked.
"Nope. Off tomorrow and I don't have to deal with your dad trying it on" she slurred.
Now you don't wanna hear about that but mum continued like I was one of her friends. "He's unattractive and fat. Who'd want that over you?" She drunkenly continued.
I was silent. No reply. Awkward to say the least.
"Oh come on son, don't very embarrassed. How'd you think you got here" she crackled.
I replied the best I could. "Devine conception?" I replied.
Mum went on about how he was a miserable git, that wanted a "wham bam thank you mam" once a month or after a beer.
I was dumb struck. Embarrassed to hear my middle class bought up mum talk about her sex life, or lack of it, with her eldest son.
It was nearly 9 and about time to be leaving. By this time mum was getting a little depressing.
I tried to make my excuses but she kept talking. "Why couldn't I have married a boy like you turned out to be" she said as she slumped in her chair. Time for bed I said. But she didn't move. She was passed as a fart!!
I text my wife telling her mum was drunk and I'll be home after trying to get her up to bed. "OK honey" she replied.
Now this is where things went weird.
Mum is in her mid 50's. Not bad looking but a little plump after 5 kids. My work mates called her a milf. Obviously I didn't see it.
Helping mum up the stairs she thanked me and apologised profusely at the same time. We got to the top and as we turned the corner to her room she stopped suddenly. "I need a wee" she proclaimed at the top of her voice.
So I lead her the short distance to the bathroom. Go on the you drunkard I said said. She managed to close the door behind her. After a few minutes of fumbling around and hearing half swear words coming from the bathroom. I asked if she was OK. "I can't undo my trousers" she shouted. "Help me me please. I'm gonna wee myself" she slurred. I was getting annoyed and a little awkward again at this point but wanted to go home so without thinking I went in and helped my mum undo her trousers. Unfastened the buttons mum apologised again and told me not to tell anyone. I agreed. However as soon as her trousers were undone. Mum pushed them down and sat on the toilet. Dunno why I noticed but she wasn't wearing knickers however I didn't ask. I just went to leave. As I did she grabbed my arm and said "don't go please I need your help. I'm so embarrassed. I know you shouldn't have to see your mum in this way son. But I trust you". Silently I nodded. She smiled and bowed her head. I looked away as to preserve her modesty. But I felt weird. I heard her pissing. Hard at that too. All the time she had hold of my wrist. Weird to say the least.
After 20 econds or so she finished and tried to grab some toilet paper. Drunkenly she knocked it off onto the floor out of reach for her. "I'm sorry please help me Rich" she groaned. I bent and picked it up turned to hand it to her. However I froze. My mums legs were wide open and for the first time ever I saw my mums bald pushy. I was dumb struck. I'm male and when you get the opportunity to see a pushy you take it, however this was my mums private area. Time stopped and I tried to look away. Mum looked at me with a drunken stare. "Can I have the toilet roll please" she uttered. Oblivious to her eldest son catching a glimpse of her inns pushy. I looked away again as she wiped and flushed. Pulling her trousers up.
Silently I walked her to her room. Helped her, fully clothed, into her bed.
I wished her goodnight and she wished me the same and hugged me. Again apologising.....but then the biggest shock of my life happened. As we hugged she whispered "I saw you look at mummy's fanny. Did you like".
I couldn't answer I was in that much shock. You read i****t stories and think "bullshit" but this was a mother asking her son if he liked her nether regions! I was frozen again still bent over. Mum whispered again "I know you did. I saw you. I saw you all hard when you were younger don't you know". I couldn't believe my ears. She continued "that's why I wanted a boy like you to marry". WHAT THE FUCK? Now I was blessed a little in that department but now my mum had been looking at it. I was confused. I got my senses at told my mum she wouldn't remember this and left.
I haven't spoken to her till today and she asked me to meet her for lunch to discuss what went on. The weird thing is since that night I have had dreams. Wrong ones. Ones of my own mum fuckin me and pissing on me. And I wake up hard. On one occasion covered in spunk!
I'm so confused.