My family moved to a new neighborhood when I was 16 because my father said our old one was "getting to many n--gers". He told my sister and me that he would kill us if we ever dated a black boy. Of course, my sister promptly met, slept with, got pregnant by, and married a black guy. He's a wonderful husband and everything my dad and brothers aren't (physically fit, educated, moral, etc.) At the time, I was horrified. Not because she was with a black guy but because she cut herself off from our family. My mom and I talk to her, but no one else.

I went to college and started interacting with people of all races. I made several black friends, but often found myself in an awkward position when an appealing black guy would ask me out. If I didn't go out with him, I was just following my dad's orders. If I did, was I doing it just to be defiant. And it seemed that many of the black women I knew didn't want white women dating "their" men anyway.

When I graduated from college, I had the option of moving back home to live rent free or struggling on my own in an apartment. I have a lot of student loans so I moved home. I realized that my then-boyfriend was just a younger version of my dad and I dumped him. One day, I met a guy in a bookstore. He was smart and funny and black. We've been sneaking around my family for six months.