I am the mother of an 18 month old son. For the past 15 months, he's lived with my mother and father. My husband and I have our own place, but we're young college students who are hardly home because we're working and going to school. I have bipolar disorder also, and I have trouble caring for my son because he is requires a lot of attention and care.

I wasn't going to have my son in the first place because I have never wanted children. I was unaware that the medication I was taking for my bipolar interfered with the birth control I was on and I ended up getting pregnant unexpectedly about a year after my husband and I were married. My family and my husband really wanted me to have my son because they knew that I would probably never have another child (I've been determined to get my tubes tied for years) and they all promised they would help me care for him. I figured that maybe I was wrong about not having children and decided to go ahead with the pregnancy anyway.

I love my son and care about him, but I absolutely hate being a mother. Even though they don't say anything, I know my family and my husband resent the fact that I don't want to be a mother to my son or don't really want to be around him much. I've known for a long long time that I've never had a "mothering" bone anywhere in me and I hate that my family and other people try to force me to be a mother to my child when I just can't. I've tried to be a mother to him and feed him, wash him, etc., but I just can't. I hate that I'm that way but I don't know how to change it. I know my son will probably grow up to resent me for the way I am, but the sad part about it is that I really don't care if he does hate me for it or not. I wish I could figure out what is wrong with me and fix it so that I could be the mother that I should be and that everyone expects me to be. Thank you for reading this. Please reply only if you have supportive things to say.