Can't remember doing this since I've lived in LA. Can't really remember ever doing this when I wasn't consenting to somebody else's craving and joining them under mild protest. I just went to Pizza Hut and bought myself a big "Medium" pizza w/ pineapple and canadian bacon. And ate three +1/2 awesome pieces and it was good. I had this craving and since I've been sick I figured I'd indulge myself. I went there. But first went into trader joes next door thinking something healthier might catch my eye, but I couldn't get over my craving. Out side I knew Hard Times pizza was just half a block away. Surely better ingredients. A hipper- more flirtation possabilities crowd-there. I could buy by the slice and it was thin crust and I could have my choice of vegi toppings. but I was magnetically drawn into Pizza Hut. It was a tiny little one. Barely a bench. And the waiting area was kind of just this little triangle of space, wide enouth so a person or two could stand in front of the register and have enough space to read the hanging menu and reach into their purse with ease. Bright white walls, and flourescent lights. My head hurt, my eyes could barely handle it. But I ordered and waited. I might have been waiting in a hospital or at a police station. Or any of a million places that feel so main stream functional american. So bright and bla at the same time and yet a very specific aesthetic. There were signs about deals that I calculated in my mind to figure were not especially deals at all. Considering all the basic greasy warm bread you were going to have to pay piles of cash for in order to get those few dollars off that one cheese and pepperoni pizza. Off to the farthest side there was a poster about health that said "keep it balanced" on it this white family was walking down a wide path in a park and most of them were wearing belted kacki shorts with their shirts tucked in and one of them was carrying a large bunch of multicolored balloons. I wondered if I was "keeping it balanced". I wandered if I wanted to. Not tonight. Not especially. On my drive home, it's still a bit early but it's dark out and rainy, I let myself reach into the box and steal some loose pieces of warm pineapple. So fucking good. Then I get really shameless and pull off a large piece of crust from one of the slices, just the bread part. And I put it in my mouth as I swiftly slide under a yellow light in the growing drizzle on Franklin Ave. Fuck. It was grease and it was good. That grease and white bread and stiff outside and soft inside and just the right amount of still-hot. I was a fucking gonner. It was what I wanted in my mouth. I liked it. Am I crazy eating like that? Am I going to be so so fat tomorow. Is this indulgence sexual frustration displacement? I don't know, I should be careful. I do have a lot of pizza left in my fridge now. I should be careful.
No more tonight. And maybe I will throw it away tomorow. But pleasure is pleasure so I get points for that.