I've been riding the subway home alone at night for the past few years. Most nights are uneventful. The "he" I'm talking about in this are not all the same guy.

The first time something happened, the car was nearly empty. I pretended not to notice he was recording me with his phone.

The second time, the seats were all full but there was plenty of standing room. I pretended not to notice how close he was standing, or that I could feel a bump.

The car was packed full. I pretended not to notice his phone between my legs, camera pointed up my skirt.

The car was empty and I had chosen to stand. He got on. I pretended not to hear him try talking to me, he thought I was listening to music. I pretended not to notice the breeze when he lifted the back of my skirt.

The car was full, I was sitting, he was standing. I pretended not to notice his crotch inches from my face.

The car was full again, and I was standing. I couldn't tell whose, but I pretended not to notice the cane between my legs, running, back and forth, for several stops. I pretended it didn't make me wet, didn't nearly make me cum, and I pretended not to notice when the cane disappeared at a stop.

The car was empty and again I had chosen to stand. I pretended not to notice when he sat behind me. I pretended not to hear him unzip his pants, or notice when he started jerking off. I pretended I didn't feel anything on my leg when, halfway to the next stop, he decided to get up and stand behind me for a few seconds before walking away.

The car was full, packed tight, and we were both standing. I pretended not to feel him groping me. I pretended not to feel him pull the back of my skirt up, or to feel his cock between my thighs. I pretended not to feel my pantyhose become damp before he put my skirt back down.

The car was empty. I pretended not to notice him talking to me. I pretended not to notice that he got off at the same stop I did. I pretended not to notice him following me as I walked back home. I pretended to forget to lock my door, and I pretended that I always sleep in nothing but a long tee shirt when ordinarily I wear pajamas. I pretended not to hear him try the front door, or his attempts to sneak through my apartment.

I pretended to be surprised when he grabbed me from behind, and I pretended to struggle, enough to be convincing but not enough to deter him, when he tied me up and r**ed me. I pretended I wasn't on the pill when he told me he was going to cum inside. I pretended I'd never done anal, and that it hurt worse than anything. It hurt, but I was mostly used to it.

I pretended to gag when he forced his cock down my throat. I pretended I hated the taste of cum. I pretended to cry when he made me take a shower and masturbate on camera so he could use it to blackmail me into silence.

The car was empty. I pretended I wasn't happy to see him again. I pretended I wouldn't have sucked his cock in that empty subway car if he wasn't blackmailing me. And I kept pretending every time after, that I didn't enjoy the things he blackmailed me into doing.