I studied art and produced some stuff that sold, and lots of stuff that did not. My debts were more than I could handle so I moved in with my divorced mother. If she is not an alcoholic she so close to it that you might as well say she is. Being 'one of those girls' she has always been against my lifestyle (choice of who I sleep with). She has never accepted that I really don't choose this part of me. I have never had a satisfying relationship either. I basically can't stand women who make such an issue of it and it seems that is the only type of women I meet. I have never met a girl who just wants to be together and enjoy company and share a life, they are all like dykes who are just into having sex.

Anyway, a friend of the family, a single man, took a job in Malaysia. He invited me to go with him. He very much knows about my situation. The deal was basically that I could get away from all the drama and he would have someone who could run a house for him and be on his arm, since all of the expats are married. I accepted.

For several months things were ok, we went to Singapore several times, and we went to Thailand. Basically he gave me how ever much money I needed. Everyone thought we were a couple, even if we were not married. The expat ladies were from everywhere, and from many countries. The one thing they all had in common was children. Of course some were already out of the nest, others in grade school and a few in boarding schools so that they got a home country education. From the day I arrived I was constantly asked when I was going to have children. I was placed around girls with young children. Babies were passed to me to hold. The constant admonition was to have a baby or two while I was an expat, because it is easier when you had help when they were babies.

I lay in bed at night wondering if I should tell all these women what my real feelings were and that no man had been in there. What happened is that I went to his room and told him what was going on and asked him how long we were going to be there and if he felt that maybe I should just have a baby, it would give me something to do while we were there. He brought up the obvious, he needed to sleep with me and I said he might as well, I was his wife in every other sense over there.

Getting pregnant was both easy and hard. Easy in that he did his thing without any problems, my first time his penis went in like it had always been there, I was totally wet and it felt good. Hard because giving myself up like this made me even more dependent, totally dependent. My pregnancy went by without any problems and I returned to the states to give birth. I returned to him two months later. When my first baby was 18 months old I went for a second baby.

I am married in every sense except for the legal part. He is twelve years older and I am a lesbian and we have two kids and for the first time in my life I have a home of my own. I asked him to marry me when we go home on leave. We will be posted back in the states next fall and it is better if we are married when we set up a home in the states.