So I really don't know where else to turn and can't really tell anyone about this quite frankly I'm quite ashamed of it all but I can't help myself and this has always been a safe outlet to just vent, so I've had a few MM experiance a before this I've posted about on here before, since the last time though I don't know how to feel, but I've found myself almost nightly trying to have anon MM experiances and have tried to escalate it, I've been searching desperately for someone to have girls clothes I can wear well in the act to trying to find 2 guys to have a 3 some or run a train on me to be the most extreme, nightly though I'll post on Craigslist looking for guys that'll host that don't want pictures, it's a huge hit and miss mainly miss but so far I found one I've wrote about on here way older, creampied me twice the first time I met him, the second time well I haven't written about till now, well the second experiance we repeated the pick up scenario, and it started the same we got to his place and into a lighted room this time on my knees I went well getting naked, when I feel him thrust realizing I'm getting face fucked at this point when he pulls out he leads me to the bed and pushes me on my back I try to say no but I'm to nervous to talk when I see him putting my dick in his mouth I start to tear up but still can't talk I noticed him looking and smiling while I cry when he finally pushes me back, again I find myself trying to talk when my legs go in the air and I see him preparing and feel something cold on my butt hole, without asking he proped his dick against my hole and I let out a whimper and started to cry more I whimpered "no no please no" when I felt it he was balls deep and wasn't gonna stop I closed my eyes and got. the strength to whisper "please don't cum in my ass please" I let him do what he wanted when he pulled out and climbed on my chest saying "ready baby" and opened my mouth he let out the loudest moan and there it was I had cum in my mouth and he got eye to eye and said "swallow" so I did,,,,.since then I kept trying on Craigslist when the other night found someone else, I asked him to pull his dick out so when I get in his vehicle I can lick it and we would drive off which I did, we got to his place when lights shut off I sucked him for a long time on my knees and on his bed, he fucked me doggy style and then pinned me down, and did me missionary, the intent was to swallow his load yet I got a cream pie surprise, still in on my back with his cock up my ass, crying and feeling ashamed cuz I was just breed he says "my dick stays hard and I won't take it out till you cum, so I laid there dick up my ass filled with cum trying to masterbate luckily I pulled it off and was able to cum....either way I feel like I have a problem idk how to feel about all this