First of all, I will start by saying that I am not proud of myself at all - and
I regret my affair everyday.
I had just turned 40 a few months ago, and was not "looking" to cheat. But for once in
my life I did something selfish just for ME. When I am with my lover, Brad, I am not a
wife or a mother or a daughter taking care of a sick parent. Its my time to just stop the
world and escape, as shallow as that sounds.

Brad is only 26 and single, the fact that he gets so turned on by me is very flattering.
We met playing volleyball at an open gym that I go to once a week, and afterwards several
of the players would go out for a drink. And eventually it was just Brad and I that were
always the last ones to leave.
That one night when he told me that his apartment was only a couple blocks from the bar,
I wish I could take back. I agreed to go there just to visit and talk more, and that's
when the affair started.

Brad is about 6'4 - he is such a strong hitter. I wont go into details about how the rest
of him is big too, but the first few times we needed a lot of lubrication to get him to
fit inside me and be comfortable enough for me to enjoy him.

He and I will have sex for about an hour afer volleyball - although sometimes we will
leave early and give ourselves more time for fun. When I get home, its then perfectly
natural for me to tell my husband I have to take a shower, since volleyball made me all
sweaty.

Brad knows its just a physical affair. There are no "I love yous" or anything like that.

I noticed a change in Brad in the past month or so, when he wanted to hear more and more
details about my husband and my sex life at home. And then he wanted me to "compare"
sizes, which I felt horrible for doing but I went along with that.
He has talked me into calling my husband twice while we were in bed together - and I am
ashamed to admit that it was a bit of a thrill for me to have another man inside me as
I talked to my spouse. I have no idea where Brad thought up some of that stuff.

I made the mistake of telling Brad that when I got home once, my husband was horny.
I told Brad I gave my husband oral sex since there would have been so much of Brads
cum there for my husband to see as evidence.
From that day on, Brad begged me to have intercourse with my husband when I got home,
and more importantly, make sure he gave me some oral sex.

I have done that twice now. My husband has literally tasted my lover.
I tell myself I am not a bad person, but I have started this 2nd life that has a hold
of me. I want to end my affair, and I finally mentioned to Brad about how I was
feeling.

And now for the worse part (at least for me)
Brad was in a very aggressive mood with me last week - and wanted SO much "husband
talk" about how I am not satisfied at home and how much I need Brad's cock.
He wanted me to yell out 'I'm yours!" to him, which is something I had never said before.
Then he had me talk in detail about what it was like to feed my husband his cum.
Just - it seemed over the top kinky sex talk that Brad wanted out of me.

When he was finished, and I was just about to get up to leave - Brad said he
had a confession to make.
He had a hidden camera - and video taped our sex!
I was horrified. I was so mad - I told him to give me the camera to me or to erase
what he filmed, but he refused.
Brad said he wanted to keep it since he knew our affair was ending, and wanted
a "reminder" of what it was like with me.

So - I am sick to death knowing there is that video out there.
Will he try to use it to blackmail me??
I cant imagine anything else he would want from me sexually - he did talk about
a friend of his (a black guy) he wanted to introduce me to. Would he use the
video to keep on having sex with me though??

Should I just assume he will use the video for his own viewing??

Part of me thinks I deserve to just come clean to my husband about my affair, and
suffer the consequences. I know I do not deserve any forgiveness.
But at least that way, Brad wont have any leverage on me.

What's the saying - I made my bed and now I must lay in it??
I do know I only have myself to blame.
I guess I never really thought about how my affair would "end". Does anybody
ever think about that??

I just don't know what Brad is thinking with that video.
I think back now to some of the things I said out loud that were probably recorded,
and I am horrified.
Why did Brad do this....