okay so this is a secret and a sexual confession.

I am still not sure how this happened, well thing I do know is that I drank a lot that night.

I woke up the next morning, in a bed not my own, not even in my house; so my first thought was I had a drunken one night stand again with some chick.

one night stand was correct, but on turning over I find a heavy set man in his 50's watching me and I will admit I both jumped up and screamed a little as I had no clue what the fuck was going on.

he burst into laughter and said that I was a screamer when he fucked me, I just broke down in shock; I got off the bed and backed into the corner of the room.

he then realised just what had happened and said to breathe, he just got me to breath in time to him; he kept on telling me to relax and breathe.

I eventually came out of this panic attack and nervously asked him what happened.

he told me that I was sat in one of the major bars on the high street and that I was drinking alone, he approached me as he said I was cute and looked lonely.

Apparently I was still reasonably sober and we got talking and after a while when we were both having a laugh he asked me if I had been with a guy before (before this I hadn't) and I told him no but blame it on me being single and lonely and that the alcohol had now kicked in I said I was curious. (I have thought about it before when I was in college)

He reached over and stroked my thigh, his hand going towards my cock under the table and he slowly squeezed it. I apparently enjoyed this and he began to tease my cock through my jeans asking if I wanted to take this further, in bliss at having someone touching me I said yes.

He then said that we drank up and he took me to a taxi and we went to his place; he said I was nervous and we began slow once we were in his home.

He said that we went to his room where he began to strip me and he asked if I was still ok, I apparently told him that I wanted this and he removed all my clothes and pushed me onto the bed.

It was at this point I realised we were both naked and that I was sat on the bed beside him and asked what had we done, he did one better and showed me the recording he had me make on his phone in case I had concerns the next day.

I watched the video of him filming me on his bed asking me if I was ok, if I was sure and I could say no at any time; I watched as I agreed to it and then the film stopped.

He said that at this point he began to strip and then tease my body, that we spent a while just letting him guide me, how he sucked me and then I took his cock in my mouth as he told me what to do, to finally fucking me after slowly working my anus until it relaxed enough for him to fuck me. as he was talking my mind connected the words with the rather alcohol hazed memories and I remembered the taste of his cock, the feeling of his tongue and the sensation of pain when he entered me.

Now by this point I was some what relaxed as this wasn't r**e or drugs, or him taking advantage off me; it was simply me being with someone and having a good time.

He asked if I was ok and did I want to leave and this would be kept between us.

I had the desire to flee as I was if I am honest still unsure, but he just sat there and squeezed my hand as I thought it all through.

He told me I am not the first to have the next day freak out, but he said that we both had fun and that he had more he could teach me if I wanted.

My heart was beating like a drum as I decided for once to put my self first and I said to him that I would like to remember fully what happened and could he show me again.

he smiled and kissed me.

It has now been a month and I have enjoyed spending time with him. at the start of this I considered myself a straight man, but I have come to know that it is not the label but the person that matters.