I think I'm in love with a gay man.

So I had a mental brake down or a crisis a few months ago and went on a gay sex spree having sex with a different gay man everyday for about a month and a half. I mostly got my cock sucked and fucked gay bottoms but I did bottom a few times during that time. the weird thing is that I truly never got passed thinking gay sex is not natural and that in reality the gay life style is for selfish, sex addicted, immoral perverts. so there I was thinking that I am a straight man because I could not accept the gay life for myself. and the more I shared my concerns with gay men the more they offered me sex.

Well during one of those days I was super venerable and emotional and didn't give a fuck about anything and had dropped all my standards and expectations. I met up with a guy for sex. I showed up got naked, he put a condom on and we began to fuck. I didn't even realize that he had a fat cock, it was hard getting in but we had sex, and felt every move he made inside of me until he came. he could tell I was super emotional and apologized for having had sex with me and having to ask me to leave before the roommate came home.

I left and deleted my gay hook up site app and went back to my normal sexless life as usual.

Well I got back on the gay app a few days ago and seen he was on. long story short he was hesitant to have sex because he didn't want to be used, so I told him to bring a condom if he was planning on something or else we could just hang out. he remembered my name and asked if I remembered his and I did. he came over we began to make out and before I know it I had his beautiful cock in my mouth.

He grabbed the condom and slid it on and I began to lube my ass. when I was ready I got on top and boy did it hurt to get that fat 7 possibly 8 inch fat cock inside of me. I'm a white Mexican at 5'6" and he is a white America at 6'1". once he had worked his cock inside me, we began to have some of the most incredible sex I have ever had. from me being on top, we then fucked doggy style, me feeling his cock pounding my ass deep, we kissed made out and fucked. he them asked me to turn around on my back and he continued to fuck me as I had my legs around his waist as he pounded my ass. I squeezed my ass so hard as he did, he soon said he was going to cum. I told him to do it on my mouth and I ate his load. it was the best tasting load I have ever swallowed.

I woke up the next day and masturbated about 5 times just thinking of the hot sex we had. We hung out and went out to dinner. we talked and smiled and looked at each other in our eyes. hugged and kissed. today I probably masturbated about 7 times thinking of the hot sex we had.

I never though I say this but I think I love this man. I feel care and respect for him. and I love the fact that he is always safe when it comes to sex and wont sleep with just anyone because he doesn't want to be used, unlike me a total whore when I had my brake down. the issue is that I have not ever seen myself in a relationship with a man. I had sex with men throughout my life but I didn't feel the psychological and emotional connection that I feel when I have sex with women. I'm so hung up on this man..., I went on the app today and I'm descent looking so I get a lot of sex offers and I declined just out of respect for my new friend. I want to keep something special going on special like what I feel for him. He's just a great guy, love the guy.