I was raised as a Muslim but lost my faith when I was very young. My family are quite strict.
For the last 5 years, I have secretly been dating a white guy.

We have had the most experimental sex. Sometimes we're high and he fucks my arsehole whilst I fuck my pussy with a dildo. Sometimes we video ourselves and watch it back whilst fucking. Sometimes he slips me some pills & I wake upto find him fingering my pussy.

I've looked through his phone secretly & come across hundreds of videos of him abusing me whilst I'm asleep. It turns me on.

Recently, he's been diagnosed with MS and this has caused our sex life to falter. I find that I'm not as horny as I used to be.

I used to masturbate twice a day & now it's usually once every 2 weeks-if that.

Does anyone have any advice?