don't want to go on holiday at all and getting a complete package refund of a few thousand. have been asked to cancel the holiday and have wanted to for ages in a way. I am wondering if going anywhere is safe because I won't go soc****sing or to concerts anymore, I did consider going to a night club without my parents knowing and just go alone as I have before, to be honest I just want to move and live in a new place where its quiet and nice and the people are ultra friendly not america. here there is no chance of me meeting nice men to date with or to have children and marry settle down with. its just a very socially barren landscape of disgust. firstly the capital city is so dingy and revolting. all you see is huge plush office buildings with plush foyers and people work walk in and out the building only at day break or sundown. then between the huge plush stores or foyers are these ugly dingy creepy shops and people. everyone in the city looks so sickly and creepy and its worse at night. I just don't enjoy the city at all anymore. I don't want to work in the city. nicer suburbs fine or shopping malls that are pretty or most towns have a gardens bank/bay area and that is nice in our town but forget in the main town its just straight ugly.

so to holiday is to look at the same fukcing thing in a different demographic really with a few shades of skin differences and all cities have a dumb chinatown and a little paris and a stupid big wheel right.

like I looked at a holiday to egypt and thought "what is the point what a bucket of shit it looks now"

I am a hard person to please at the best of times because I am so sexually frustrated and such a neglected woman but to me, its like

who gives a flying fuck about high teas in posh hotels its so drab, the entertainment is crap the people are crap, the fashions are crap. even high end fashion looks like sick up.

like trying to find something that excites me is like looking for a pink graffitti bloody zebra

all i want to do is just chill out and look at sunsets and liquid blue waters really but also on ground. I want an itinerary and real company to be with. life is so boring with all the scum I have had pushed at me I just want to just find a good group of friends

I have to move and throw out everything that no longer suits me and throw out furniture and clothing and burn them all so no one else can get the benefit of my money.