I am lonely and I join dating sites then never bother to answer to any of them out of fear because so many guys use the sites make out they are not married and they are or they want weird sex. I am not looking for weirdo sex and hook ups. I am pretty much straight and narrow when it comes to my ideal date and sex. I just want a man. like a real man who can be a provider and fix things I as a woman can't and do all the romantic things and I still want children and a career. I guess ideally I do want marriage and a church wedding too. why should I sell myself for less like in the past I was so naive. I really want to be with a guy who likes some of the things I like, sport, gardening, art and music and soc****sing and holidays and I have been studying law and forensic sciences/psychology for over 3 years and nutrition sports for over 3 years and just on my first year of medical and I spent another 4 years or more in Bachelor degrees and in other courses as well . I have past advanced music and literature and just did that for fun really. I am lonely and need a lot of support. I think I am too practical. when I can't find work I study but I feel frustrated because I like working. I am sick of having to under sell everything about me. I miss what I used to best at but by the same token I have found new skills and things to keep me busy and study is an avoidance of relationships. I don't have to think about how lonely I am and empty for all the dreams I once had about marriage or motherhood or the desire to want to be a good wife. I doubt I will ever wear a wearing dress put it that way.

and this is the thing with me, I am sick of lesbians attacking me and other girls bashing me over guys. it hurts when the guys doesn't make up his mind and choose you as his first and only.

I seen some hot police officers in uniform to day really beautiful guys bodies to die for, but not as good as my fave cop in town.

if I was perfect weight and money and everything was great what would the new excuse be for guys to hurt me, because even when I was super thin and working and younger nothing was ever good enough. I try to tell my dad "men are not what you were like when you were young dad, they want these hot women and they want this perfect image. they act uncouth and expect heaps of weird sex acts with multiple people at once and young men today do not know how to treat women nice" I tell my dad all the time "when you were young it was so different, guys today are rough and violent and all they care about is drugs, tattoos and crude sex and being dominant and abusive"


I want to cry and change things. I dont know how to. the one reason why depression is the illness of the century is because of the expectations are too far set now. girls who were once acceptable in the 20s or 50s are not anymore and education is dear and there is not enough jobs and men don't want to marry or have kids.