Born a girl I was raised to be a girl. Things were ok until I got my period. My mother telling me how proud she was, I was becoming a woman and my body was preparing me to have babies.

I hated having a period. There was nothing to be proud of. I hated it. I was signed up for Cotillion. The dresses, the make up, the hair. I did not identify with it. Cooking classes the following summer. The never ending slaps on my legs, 'Watch how you sit, you're a young lady, not a tramp'. And my period never stopped.

Shaving my legs, bras, I needed bras, God I had 'developed' and I needed bras.

A serious talk, turning 16 my mother decided to put me on the pill, just in case. 'Take your pill'. 'You don't want to end up pregnant because your hormones are screaming at you to have sex'.

I swore I would never have sex. I did not need the pill, and I did not need my period, and I did not have any use for these breasts. I was never going to have sex and never going to have children.

The night I stayed late at church, the assistant youth minister was there. What ever it was it was not enjoyable. It was over. He was the assistant youth minister, I never went back to church. I had not taken the pill. My body was pregnant. I lied, would not identify him. I wanted an abortion. No chance, if you mess around you accept the consequences. No abortion. The birth was just bad, bad all around. Breast feeding, this baby latching on to my breast, getting its food from my body. Nature is cruel.

My daughter has my last name. She is four. I am in college.

Every day I wake up to see my baby girl, to get her breakfast, to get her ready for day care. My life purpose is my baby girl. How can something so hard be so beautiful? When she is ready to be made pregnant she is going to take her pill. I am going to give it to her and watch her take it. She is going to know a lot about boys and men. No pretty dresses, no Cotillion, she s going to be a black belt.