I once was r**ed by a drug dealer behind a 7/11.

I was a complete virgin at the time

It was late night, my mom was sleeping and I was really young " not admitting age is younger or older "

I went out to find smokes because I knew someone around that 7/11 would buy me some, it was a ghetto area.

I came across a guy, with a smoke who offered me one or two

I said thanks, and then he held me up with a knife to my throat

stole my stuff, everything I had and showed me what was in his pockets, drugs. bad ones

He let me down, asked me to go do crack or angel dust with him, i said no way! and laughed a little.

He asked me if I liked giving oral to guys and if I wanted to give him oral and I told him no, laughing like he was joking even though he kept repeating the question in a serious voice.

Well, he obviously got mad because he held me up again, turned me around and dropped my jeans. it seemed to happy very fast.

I was so scared, I couldnt think but freeze, I couldnt run.

I knew he was armed with a weapon, probably a gun knowing how violent the area is.

He was doing something and then he pushed in between my cheeks and yes, began r****g me.
The feeling was unwelcoming, violating in the worst way and humiliating at the least.

When he was done doing what he was doing to me, he ran into the ally,

I pulled my pants up and got a ride home from a cop.

I got home and cried myself to sleep, nobody knows about this but me.

I had to throw away my clothes, I didnt want them

I've tried to tell my family, but they wont believe me.

I got tested and was clean.

I need to say this here to relieve the stress, my family and friends wont listen


I have a question though, is it stockholm syndrome that makes you attracted to a enemy or abuser?
Because for some reason after being r**ed the thought of being r**ed turned me on in a sick way, still does.