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I am very depressed without him. I used to love rocking up for lessons with him. the way he touched my body I didn't want it to stop. I wanted to have sex with him and have a nice relationship but then I saw the competition. why do some women who are old fat and uglier then me, not even know their place around younger thinner prettier girls. I backed away as soon as the child of 16 doing work experience showed up he was gonna ask her out over a old bag like me if he was looking for a new girl. all my life its been the same feeling even when I was young, it was "know your place your too fat, your too young, your not rich your not working, now its your too old, your not working, your so ugly and fat again. I just won't let a man belittle me and mock me over my weight and prick tease me with his cock and bull games, I refuse to date or have sex or entertain the idea until I lose weight, unless I make a deal and pay a guy for some massage and plus package deal for inner massage and no strings attatched. I have considered just going up to a guy I know and saying "look I don't usually ask this sort of thing but I kind of just need a few hours sex no strings attached and I am happy to pay you for the job, its just a job deal or no deal cuz I don't have time to be jerked around and made fun of about my weight or age or lack of sexual experiences for my age, to me its just if we do the deal its like a medical appointment a treatment for ther**eutic reasons and use protection, once or twice off deal. and I won't get in your way and I will never talk about it to anyone." I never done that before or even suggest them fathering a child and having nothing to with it. no strings attatched, life is fast hard you have to be tough and blunt to make it through life alone as a fat ugly woman.

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