i would have been so happy in love with glen who looked like nicholas (actor from uk) that year in drama, I think I would have felt so complete and in love like I was in heaven being successful as well as loved and thin. it would have been a fresh sweet thing for me. but I was never sort after. then there was tony I liked him he was big but too big if you get me even his ego was too big. then robert it could have been good and other guys. each time I prayed to god to give me a love and romance like others that you didn't have to die or be killed for. to be waiting so long til 29 to have first time sex was crazy all these ugly creepy old men demanding time with me was unbareable. being r**ed by a ugly disgusting smelly vomit bucket was demoralising and he made me ill. it wouldn't matter to me if he had owned russian palace or scotland castles he was wrong for me and I still don't like or love him. I wanted someone like nrowe, and very sweetly young suited educated teen. but they rejected me or ignored me. I liked a lot of my teachers too. a law teacher who was so beautiful but what could I give someone like that? so many new pretty young things and i liked rick. no man has lived up or been good enough and all so vomit ugly and stupid. now can you see where you all went wrong and can you now see why you made so many mistakes and can you now see how selfish you were, and can you now see how a liar con scank you are. i will murder him alright if it comes near me. I will make it get to hell, we were never supposed to meet. you got that. I aint your property and god never wanted us to meet. we were never supposed to meet.