So this is some4thing I have struggled with for a long time. before I learned about girls I learned about boys. I was taught that I could lay down and boys could lay on top of me and their things would get hard. and some of them would leak a white sticky substance all over my genitals. This always aroused me.

As this progressed some of the boys wanted me to make sounds and sound like a girl some would tell me what to say as they would lay on top of me both of us naked it felt so good how could it be bad. and so many different boys wanted to do this to me when we were alone.

one day a man invited us in he was very nice and he was very fun and showed us so much attention. He also told us we could be in his house when he was not home. He would leave his window unlocked for us and we could hang out there anytime we wanted. We liked him so much.

one day his joking became of a sexual nature. we liked him so much that we followed whatever he told us to do. before long the lights went off and we were all naked in his bed. He told us to rub his thing and touch and squeeze it. I remember how hard he was and he had a very thick one. I remember how much I liked it I squeezed and pulled it and tugged on it my hands could not wrap around it's thickness. It felt nice in my hand as I played with it. Pretty soon I felt a throbbing and then warm thick liquid all over it made it very slippery his breathing was very heavy.
we cleaned up with a towel. after the lights came back on we sat and watched tv he said we cannot tell about it. we did not question it. soon we went home. we never went back as we knew there was something just not right about what happened.

I had a friend who was just my age he was highly sexed and always wanted me to do it with him. So I would undress and he was on me fast. I did like it a lot and we did this often. he would lay on top of me and grind together. I would do as I had done with the older ones and repeated many of the same things they told me to say during sex and also made the sounds.

soon my family moved away so I never saw him again. but think of him fondly still. But as the years went by I noticed girls and also had learned that what I was doing was in natural. So why did it feel so good. Oh well I have to fight through it. Girls are so soft and pretty and very sexy. Was still funny though that some of the boys still seemed to want to do things but I would fend them off. but deep inside I kind of still wanted to do things too. It confused me so much.

More years went by and soon I had my first experience with a girl. Now this was way different. But it was great!!!
I wanted to do it again and again and again. Oh but deep down I still would think of the boys and those times we did it and it was always arousing to remember. Tried to fight the urges. After all it was wrong morally from what I was taught.

Life went on. I got married. Had a child. But why did I still think of the boys. I loved my wife and child. Well soon I would not be able to resist the temptation and I had called a gay chat line and found a man that was looking for a bottom. He was a black male. I had no hang ups about race as I grew up in a very diverse area. Anyway he picked me up and we went to a motel. I was so nervous I was just 21 or 22 at the time and had never been with a man in this way. This was way different. I had way different kinds of feelings he was very attractive and I was so turned on by him.

we laid down in the bed after getting naked, he stroked himself. I began stroking myself as well. I was too nervous to just grab his and he told me u can touch it. I remember getting so excited as I grabbed it and began stroking his hard thick cock it felt so right. I soon took it in my mouth and was sucking it. this was the very first time I took one in my mouth and again it felt so right. He soon told me to turn over and get on all fours. I did as he said. He put on his condom but neither of us brought lube. I never had anal sex at this point in time and was very inexperienced. He tried with spit to get in I remember the pain as he pushed but it was not going to happen. He then said just lay on your back as I did he got on top of me and we grinded together like crazy. It felt so good we kissed deeply soon his tongue was in my mouth and we grinded and grinded. I just wrapped my legs around him it was so passionate and hot. we both climaxed at the same time. It felt so good.

We parted ways and never saw each other again. This was my doing I had a wife and child and now felt guilt over this.
I did not do it again until several years later after we separated. Now I am free to enjoy men guilt free and it is good!