It felt really good. Holding his hard cock in my hand and putting his cock in my mouth. It felt really good.

Getting a cock up my ass that afternoon, the feeling that I was getting it, knowing that I was getting it, that felt good. But his cock tearing into me, that scared me. But I endured it and I went back over to see him knowing that he was going to screw me again.

Our neighborhood was made up of large lawns and ranch style homes. Being of that age I mowed lawns for extra money. And being of that age he liked me and showed me that I liked it, that I really liked cock and that after a while I really liked getting screwed. I don't think I ever had a crush on him, it was about going over there to have sex, to suck his cock, to have him suck my cock, and to get screwed.

I didn't really have my first crush until I was in college, and like a fool I had a crush on this rugby player who had all the girls he could handle. But that is who I had a crush on. I dreamt of him giving me the full treatment, but it never happened. It happened with this Chemistry adjunct professor. I did it because I needed the sex, but I never felt good about it. Not like I did with the man who's lawn I mowed.

I had my first relationship that wasn't just sex with an insurance salesman. But it ended on a sower note, I just couldn't be who he wanted me to be. My next relationship was with a front desk manager for a major hotel chain.

Then the news was out about AIDS, and I stopped seeing men for the next thirty years. I have a relationship of sorts with a guy who works summers at the canoe rental business. It is more like the feelings that I had with that rugby player back in college. Young and athletic, he hangs around for the money and I keep him around for the sex.