I'm a lesbian, but I mostly only have sex with men. I like being used and degraded by men, especially men who know I'm a lesbian.

It's complicated, it's hard to explain to other people. I don't find men sexually attractive at all, I find them repulsive most of the time actually. Giving a man a blowjob is as disgusting to me as licking a toilet. But that's what turns me on about it, the fact that it's gross to me is why I like it. And when they know it's disgusting to me it's even better.

The absolute best sex I've ever had was with two men who knew I was a lesbian, knew I was repulsed by them, and not only treated me like a worthless fucktoy but did so while degrading me in ways that even most straight women would object to. Putting a foot on my face while fucking me, slapping me, choking me, making me eat ass, spitting on my face and in my mouth, and more that I would need to change the category of the confession for.

I came so many times that night I lost count, and so intensely I forgot my own name for half an hour.

It's much more genuine love and attraction when I'm with a woman. Her beauty, her softness, the sounds she makes when I explore her with my fingers, or my tongue. I wouldn't give that up for anything.

But I'm addicted to the wrongness I feel when I'm with a man, the feeling of being used, the disgust, and I don't know if I could ever give that up either.