I have this memory etched forever. He sat beside me to show me how to create the spreadsheet. He was close, leaning on me, I could smell him he was so close. Then his hand was on my thigh, he was rubbing my thigh! His hand was hot, warm hot, and he rubbed me gently while he spoke to me. From time to time he would reach up and use both hands on the keyboard to show me and then his warm hand was on my thigh again. His cheek was next to mine, I couldn't smell him any more. His hand was deep inside my thigh, high up, all I could do was open my legs further for him. When he touched me I caught my breath, I looked at him and he looked at me, I kept my hands on the key board, his hand rubbing me, his fingers pressing into me. I kept looking over at him, his fingers were really touching me by then, I got tears in my eyes and he whispered to me not to cry, this is how you became a grown up girl.

I grew up with him. He was my first lover. He left nothing untouched for my next lover. Nothing was virgin anymore. Nothing. Absolutely nothing, he took it all.

Long after I didn't go to his class anymore, I still went to him. I still see him now and then and nothing has changed, it is a force that I can't control. I am no longer a girl now, and his time with me is no longer gentle and easy, it is raw and dirty, nothing is sacred with him, absolutely nothing, nothing is off limits.