Before I say anything I wanta tell your something!
I ain't never gone to bed with an ugly woman but I have woke up with a few.
I hate every bone in her body but mine. If the phone don't ring you'll know it's me.
I've missed you but my aim is improving. I wouldn't take you to a dog fight because I'm afraid you'd win.
I'm so miserable without you. It's like you are still here. My wife ran off with my best friend and I miss him.
She took my ring and gave me the finger. She's looking better with every beer.
And my number one Country/Western Song is, "It's hard to kiss the lips at night that chews your ass out all day long."
Now, let me finish with some of my favorite Redneck Pick Up Lines!
Do you have a Library Card? 'Cause I'd like to check you out!
Do you have a mirror in your pants? 'Cause I can see myself in them!
If you were a tree and I was a squirrel I'd store/stow my nuts in your hole!
FAT PENGUIN: Sorry, I just wanted to say something that would break the ice!
I know that I'm no Fred Flintstone, But I'll bet I can make your Bedrock!
If you're going to regret this in the morning, We can stay in bed until the afternoon!
Your body reminds me of a Wrench! Every time I think of it my Nuts Tighten Up!

I'll hush for now because every time I type something all you do is Laugh!