My aunt married a man many years older than her. She became a widow in her early forties, by then I was in college. On a visit to see her over spring break she took me to an adult store. To help me buy my first dildo. We settled on a sleek vibrator. Holding my new toy in my hand that night, it was magic. For the first full fledged masturbation with true sense of penetration, stimulating, delicious.

Over the following years I learned that she was totally open about sex, if you liked it do it. If you were curious try it. Gender? Who cares, if you can reach your goal of achieving complete orgasms, who cares if a penis got you there or a girl's sweet lips. To coopt Nike, just do it.

I went to my first sex party at her house, I was just 22. A retired cop, an ex ballerina, my aunt, her neighbors from Denmark, little scared me. I had my first girl on girl experience with the ballerina, so fit I felt embarrassed, so masculine for such a thin woman, such strong hands, she wanted to turn me, never find a man attractive again. My aunt, nailed to the sofa by the cop, the Danes in anal coupling. Sex out in the open, naked, raw sex. My toy was replaced.

For the next ten years I belonged to her club. My taste for women increased, my taste for hard r**e sex came alive. Dark, forbidden sex. She hosted, and there were always new interesting characters, and her close friend the ballerina never missed her chance with me. I loved it.

I got married at 33 to a salesman. Darker, harder, a later addition to our club. It was by then our club, my aunt's and mine.

Sex is visceral. It is the ultimate in performance art, her words not mine.