I am a 38 year old lesbian. I got used the idea when I was in my early twenties. At that time I had joined the Air Force and stayed in for four years. I had my first lesbian girlfriend there. My girlfriend wanted to stay in and I wanted to get out. We broke up. I still miss her.

I moved back home, I confessed my preferences to my parents and siblings. Everyone accepted it, but things were never the same again. I met a woman who worked at the county library and had a short affair with her. She was older and behind closed doors she was very controlling and quite frankly a bitch. It was hard breaking it off with her, she didn't want to let that happen. That relationship affected me a lot and I stayed single for several years.

Lately, in the last two years, I have been seeing a girl who likes to paint and sculpt. She makes very little money, so giving her a place to stay is a real help. She likes to record us. I don't like that because one day she is going to lose control of all those videos. She watches the videos and masturbates. Her paintings have become very suggestive, lots of nudes, lots of women in grotesque erotic positions. She is very obsessed with my vulva. Over and over again she paints my vulva, she is very detailed, she uses the videos and the stills. At times her paintings get me aroused. She doesn't try to sell those, she says those are for us. She does produce some very nice paintings, and she sells those at fairs and a couple here and there to a referral.

I never wanted to be a lesbian, even after I slipped past the point of no return. As a girl I imagined I would get married and have a normal two or three kid family. Instead here I am, supporting my 23 year old artist lover who is obsessed with sex and painting my vulva. She decorates our room with these paintings, all sizes, all colors, all live and in your face, she gets naked on the bed and asks me which I like best, that I have to pick, one of the paintings or her. I always pick her. I can't resist her, not ever. And I love those stupid paintings, making love surrounded by her art all around me. Stupid me in love with a girl fifteen years younger. I live in fear of losing her. I try never to be a bitch, to not be controlling, but it is hard, she is so young and I don't want her to get hurt.