I've been conflicted. Like my mind is arguing with itself over right and wrong. But I'm being a lil dramatic, let me start at the beginning.

I've always prided myself of being a good man. A man of moral authority. I believe that when you find the right woman, she it is your moral obligation to love and cherish her. That's where I'm at with my gf. She is my life. I love her to hell and back. But I've had conflicting thoughts.

We've been together for six months. (May seem a lil soon to call her my life but when you know, you know.) something about me is that I use to look up r**e scenarios on porn. I never wanted to actually r**e anyone. I want to dedicate my life to stopping this kind of crime. So why do I get hard over it in porn? Especially if my gf is a r**e victim? (I haven't had the heart to watch any since she told me. About it.) is it normal? Some subconscious desire? Will I eventually want to take it further then just watching it? One thing I've learned is that good men spend alot of time questioning whether they're a good man or not.

I also enjoy other questionable genres of porn. Cheating wives/husbands ect. When I hit the clubs I cant help but look at other girls dressed in skimpy outfits with their ass and tits out. I think about fucking them. Does this reflect who I am? I don't know. I don't want it too. I want to be a good man and a better bf.

My gf often tells me that I'm the sweetest guy or the best bf. And I know I put alot of time, effort and money into our relationship. But I don't feel like a great bf. I just feel like a man doing the things he should for his woman.

I love my girl more then anything but these things have me doubting and questioning my status as a good man and by extension a good boyfriend. Any advice from a neutral party would be appreciated as I don't feel worthy of this amazing woman.