When I was 24 I was in an area I shouldn't have been in at a bar with my boyfriend and we got into a huge argument over the outfit I was wearing even though I was out with him and not my friends he was super jealous of other guys looking at me. I ended up telling him we are here to have fun to relax it doesn't matter who looks at me I'm with you but it didn't matter and he ended up leaving we had separate cars so I stayed behind angry he got so upset over something I'd wear basically for him not for attention. I'd be dishonest if I said I was really drunk or severely altered but I wasn't. One of these guys came up to me at some point and asked me if I smoked weed which I do and asked if I wanted to go smoke with him so I did as I preferred it over drinking anyway and was still pissed off over the argument. So I followed him to his apartment and we smoked and just chilled watching TV I didn't want to stay long because I didn't want my boyfriend to make more assumptions since he got so uptight over clothing earlier. I went to get up to leave and this guy said did you really think I just invited you over to smoke with me and then leave that's not how this works at all. He was kind of a bigger in the built sense black guy so I was kind of intimidated as I already knew what he was insinuating so I offered to pay him for the weed and he just laughed and grabbed me and started groping me all over. I started to scream and tremble with fear but he was overpowering and put his hand over my mouth and started to put his other hand up my dress and inside me. I was inbetween crying and trying to scream through his hand covering my mouth. He told me to shut the fuck up if I ever wanted to leave and released his hand from my mouth and pulled down my straps of the dress with his other hand still inside me. Still crying he started kissing me all over I didn't kiss him back but every time I went to pull away he would grab me harder and hurt so I stopped fighting knowing there was no way to get away from him. He shoved me onto the couch and literally ripped my thong off not down but off and told me to suck his dick or he was gonna fuck me till my pussy ripped. I was crying hysterically begging him to leave that I don't even know his name I'd never tell anyone he hit me and said you know where I live bitch so shut the fuck up and suck my dick or I'll rip you apart your choice. So standing over me with his dick in my face I started to suck his dick he was forcing it down my throat and it was absolutely way too big I couldn't even breathe still crying as I was forced to suck his dick. After what felt like hours but was probably only minutes he put his hand around my throat and pushed me further on the couch and said now I'm gonna fuck you until you can't even walk out of here and if you scream I'll kill you white girl. He started fucking me so hard and so furiously it hurt like hell. Halfway through though I started to cum and actually at the time didn't realize it but was enjoying being fucked by this guy he was so big I never saw anyone this big before. I guess he knew because I went from crying to morning and even telling him to keep going and fuck me harder not to stop I think he was in shock because he said oh you crazy white bitch huh you like getting fucked like the slut you are which made me even more horny and I just kept telling him to fuck me harder don't stop keep fucking me. It lasted for another 15 minutes or so and I felt him release inside me I don't know for sure but I think I hade multiple orgasms I felt myself tighten up with him inside me a couple times which usually only happens when I'm having an orgasm. He got off me and took my purse and my license and said I know where you live I know your name if you ever tell anyone I'll kill you and whoever else lives with you so shut the fuck up if you value your life c**t. I put my dress back together and left without my underwear that he viciously tore off me. On the ride home I felt his cum oozing out of me and in a way I couldn't stop thinking about what happened I never told anyone this besides my therapist but lately I've been driving to that bar he was at before we went to smoke hoping to find him again I want to get fucked again by someone that big. I'm with my boyfriend a different one and it's not doing it for me I don't like black guys usually never dated one or even hooked up with one but lately all I want is to get fucked by anyone in particular who's that big color doesn't even matter. I haven't seen him again but have contemplated walking in the bar in a tight short dress again and just approaching whatever built black guy and hoping he's into white girls. I don't know why I'm so turned on since it was basically r**ed but I ended up enjoying being fucked by him so much that now I even seek it out regularly that part I haven't disclosed to my therapist.