Why is dick so addictive?

Let me take you guys back to the age of 12... No father, living with my mother, started puberty, Just discovered porn, full on homophobe,or I just loved girls at the time somuch.

Just got a girlfriend and we started to do things at this young age. Her parents always worked so after school we would be by here house and just fool around, she would suck my dick, I would eat her out and we would fuck. She loved it rough and I could basically make her gag on my dick and fuck her as hard as I liked...

One day while we were busy, I was fucking her throat and we never heard her father get home. The sound she was making with my dick on her mouth was that if choking and gaging and I guess her father heard... He burst through the door and found his daughter with my Cock deep in her mouth. I was frozen, the fear had me paralyzed, her father was a black huge ass sports loving guy, a muscled bear basically... This guy took me by my hair and dragged me into his man cave in the garage while shouting at his daughter and locking her in her room.

So I'm a 12 year old naked boy fear stricken and have no idea what his about to do to me... First words he said to me was "so you like gaging little girls with your dick?" just there he pushed me to the floor and unzipped his pants and took out this 7 inch uncut soft black Cock (the only way I can explain it) and told me to get up on my knees and lick his dick... Now I still don't know why I did it but I licked his head and it tasted salty and had a strong odour but I couldn't resist.

His dick was growing in my hands and he just took my head and pushed his dick straight in my throat and just there I was hooked... I hated it but I loved being able to do nothing and just be his slave if I can say that... He made me suck on his dick for so long, I was gagging and crying but this just made him go harder and faster until he just let out a huge moan and spuirted his nutt down my throat, so much leaked out on the floor and on him but he made me lick it up off his shoes and pants and told me from now on I'm his bitch and he owned me

I just said yes to get out of there... Me and my Jessica (the girl I was seeing) stopped talking and we were never the same, I tried ignoring the memory for days but the fantasy just had me... The taste and smell of his Cock was in my head... But I just stayed away for about two weeks when the Friday he came to the school and told me to get in... I just obeyed and followed his every word, he told me that he had spoken with my mother and asked if I could join his family on a camping trip for the weekend and she agreed since she knew about me and his daughters relationship...

Little did she or I even know that there was no camping trip or family with us on the road... We just drove to a beach house his family had and he told me this weekend I was about to find out what a real man is...
That weekend he made me gag on his dick for hours on end, he tied me up, pissed in me, made me drink his piss, he made me stay naked whole weekend, he just dominated me everyday... But the Saturday was the most hectic of all...

He basically fucked my mouth for hours, I was crying when he said it's time to become a real slave... He fucked me in the ass raw for the first time, was the worst experience of my life, first dick in my ass was a 9 inch thick black Cock and it Hurt like hell and he just fucked me rough and hard until he bust inside of me... I cried and screamed the whole way through... My ass was aching whole day full of cum and swollen.

He fucked me again that night and this is where I just fell in love with the feeling of Cock on my ass...

From the age of 12 till 18 I was his slave until I moved away and no one knew anything I think... And now all I crave is a dick in my mouth and ass... It fills my mind everyday, I just want to be fucked but am so scared to reach out to anyone...
I need him to fuck me again