Straight Female / 28
I will call this a confession of my insecurity. I am a 28 year old single woman who works as an Asst. Manager for the HR department of a mid sized company with 500 plus employees. I am responsible for compliance, with is a real pain and I really don't like that part of my job. I want to do recruiting, development and other hands on HR but I am stuck in compliance. I don't like my job right now but I like my company and I have a mentor who is working behind the scenes to rescue me from this awful job I have right now. It should be no surprise that my mentor sees me outside of work where I have to be nice to him. He is my only sexual outlet and he keeps pretty good tabs on me. Maybe that is why I am frustrated with my sexual self right now, I don't like to be controlled like that.
But I don't leave my job and I don't leave my mentor. You know, one day he and I met for lunch and we were in separate cars and when we left the restaurant he told me to go to my car and he would see me at the office. I just could not walk away, him standing there watching me walk away. I went back and asked him to go first. Talk about insecurity, the feeling of walking away from him gave me anxiety. I guess that the reason I don't leave my job is because if I did I would have to leave him. Being in love like this sucks.
You ask me what I want? I want to go 'home' after work, not back to an apartment. I am old enough to have a home, I have friends that are married with two kids. I hardly ever seen them at their home because it sends me into this terrible feeling of loneliness. Do you understand what it is like to turn down the bed by yourself? One day I am ready for bed, I turn down the bed and get in and he comes and gets in with me and he takes off my nightgown. Then I am alone, all alone and I can't sleep at night. I leave the light on, I spend all night wondering what he is doing. I don't call him but that is what I want to do.
My mentor relationship is not a secret with my sister. She tells me to walk away before it kills me and find a man I can settle down with. Like that is just something you do. If I can't walk to my car by myself when he is watching me how am I supposed to just walk away from him? I would take anything, any kind of a home right now. I am not asking to have a home in some particular neighborhood although I would like to live there, I will settle for a home anywhere as long as it is with him. My sister may be right but she is wrong. I can't walk away from him, I haven't tried if that is what you want to know, I know that I can't walk away from him.
Maybe I am love sick, whatever that is. I can see him a block away by the way he walks. I can hear him in a crowd no matter how loud it is. I know when he is the one that touches my back. I do tell him I love him if you want to know, I tell him all the time but not at work. He says he loves me too but I have to be patient and understanding. I have been patient and understanding. Let me tell you, the administrative girl who works for us announced that she is expecting her first baby. Wow, she is 26 and she gets to have a family.
Yes I am insecure about my job and about him. Our administrative assistant has been married two years, she got married at 24 and I am going to turn 29 and I have no idea how I am going to turn 30. When I was younger being single was the thing to do, but I don't want to be single at 30, single without a home of my own.
But I don't leave my job and I don't leave my mentor. You know, one day he and I met for lunch and we were in separate cars and when we left the restaurant he told me to go to my car and he would see me at the office. I just could not walk away, him standing there watching me walk away. I went back and asked him to go first. Talk about insecurity, the feeling of walking away from him gave me anxiety. I guess that the reason I don't leave my job is because if I did I would have to leave him. Being in love like this sucks.
You ask me what I want? I want to go 'home' after work, not back to an apartment. I am old enough to have a home, I have friends that are married with two kids. I hardly ever seen them at their home because it sends me into this terrible feeling of loneliness. Do you understand what it is like to turn down the bed by yourself? One day I am ready for bed, I turn down the bed and get in and he comes and gets in with me and he takes off my nightgown. Then I am alone, all alone and I can't sleep at night. I leave the light on, I spend all night wondering what he is doing. I don't call him but that is what I want to do.
My mentor relationship is not a secret with my sister. She tells me to walk away before it kills me and find a man I can settle down with. Like that is just something you do. If I can't walk to my car by myself when he is watching me how am I supposed to just walk away from him? I would take anything, any kind of a home right now. I am not asking to have a home in some particular neighborhood although I would like to live there, I will settle for a home anywhere as long as it is with him. My sister may be right but she is wrong. I can't walk away from him, I haven't tried if that is what you want to know, I know that I can't walk away from him.
Maybe I am love sick, whatever that is. I can see him a block away by the way he walks. I can hear him in a crowd no matter how loud it is. I know when he is the one that touches my back. I do tell him I love him if you want to know, I tell him all the time but not at work. He says he loves me too but I have to be patient and understanding. I have been patient and understanding. Let me tell you, the administrative girl who works for us announced that she is expecting her first baby. Wow, she is 26 and she gets to have a family.
Yes I am insecure about my job and about him. Our administrative assistant has been married two years, she got married at 24 and I am going to turn 29 and I have no idea how I am going to turn 30. When I was younger being single was the thing to do, but I don't want to be single at 30, single without a home of my own.
