I have never been comfortable with sex. I get told a lot to just let go of myself and enjoy it, but I can't. The only person that can hug me and I don't start hyperventilating is a man I have known for fifteen years, he took my virginity and a whole lot more. I don't know why I can be hugged by him, even penetrated by him knowing that he leaves his sperm in me.

I don't want to think that what I feel is normal, if I look around I know that women willingly go down for a man to penetrate them. That is just not me, I have only been penetrated by one man, and I suppose that is how it is going to be.