Straight Male / 27
So I'm almost drunk while I'm writing this. I don't care about spelling mistakes. A short story of mine is that I'm (almost) 27 years old from Eastern Europe, and I have never had a girlfriend, and I have never had s*x. But my friends don't know this. I've told them that I was a bit older than 18 years old when I've lost my virginity, and since then I f*cked about 10-15 girls. But that's all lie. And the reason is very simple. I'm fat and I have a small p*nis. From now on you can calculate the rest.
So it all started with a thing that when I was about 18 years old, and I heard that almost all of my closest friends already lost their virginity (they are/were younger than me1-2 years) and I know they didn't lie, because they had girlfriends at that time, and since I am (or better say I was) a pharmacist (chemist) they were buying condoms from me. And back then I was about 85-90kg (just for reference, now I am over 120kg, height was/is still about 173-174cm and my "tool was/is still just under 12cm") I had some doubt that I can ever give a girl an orgasm with my "tool" size. So I started making up stories about my first s*x, and after that how many girls I had. Luckily I know how to tell stories, I almost never use the same word twice, and I honestly believe, storytelling is one of my stronger sides.
So I made up a story about my first time, lies followed after that. I have a good memory, and I know to who I said what and when and how, so if I had to tell again a story, I knew what I said before, and honestly, nobody knew I was lying, and a bit I started to believe in them as well. It seemed so believeable.
I was about 25 years old, when the first time I have left Eastern Europe, and went to live and work in the UK, in London. I thought there will be a new life, new opportunities and I will finally lose my virginity. Btw I was 24 when I first kissed an overweight girl (and I kinda have a kink for bigger girls like myself, so I'm not saying because I have anything against them, on the contrary) and since that was my first time, and at that time I was drunk, she kinda noticed I was unexperienced, she didn't say anything, jsut told me that she feels kinda I kissed someone a long time ago... if she knew that she was the first one... maybe she felt it... I don't know. I've never spoke with her again.
So I am working in London, and I became a night porter in a hostel. This company had 6 hostels in London, and their policy was that you can't live in the same hostel where you live and work at the same time. And my room rent went up after 2 months when I was already working in a hostel, so I thought it would be a good idea to live in a hostel for a while until I figure out what should I do next, or where should I look for my next room. So I was living in a hostel in the same company's hostel, but obviously not where I was working. It was about 20 minutes by walk between the 2 hostels. It was easy to get to the work by walk, and it was easy to go back to the hostel where I was living and where I had a good day's sleep. If you were wondering: i was working from 11PM to 9-10AM. The check-out time to the guests were until 11AM. So about 10-10.30AM when I got back to the hostel where I was living, almost everyone checked out, and who were still staying in their rooms went out to explore London, so I had every day a "good night sleep".
Anyway, one day a group of younger girls arrived (between 18-23) from The Netherlands, from Spain, and from Germany (they didn't know each other) but we were staying in the same room (24-bed mixed dorm) and almost all of them were staying over 1 week in this hostel, and since we were the "youngers" in the room, we got along quite well, like sitting down on the floor and telling stories for 5-6 hours straight. It was like getting us know each other and we became friends quite fast after the 2nd night (I was working 4 nights and had 3 days off, so I was there a few days/nights with them and participated in these conversations)
So after the 3rd or 4th day there was this very beautiful dutch girl. Let's call her Rebecca for the time being (not her real name). She recently broke up with her boyfriend, and she came to London alone to explore. She wanted to become an English teacher in The Netherlands in her local elementary school. So on this morning we were speaking about our plans. I told her that I will sleep, because I will work that night, so I need to catch up with my sleep. She went to the city centre to explore. Ok. Nothing special. I've slept during the day. She was away. I went to work about 10PM, she came back about 9PM and we had a little time to chat, she told me what she had visited that day. She asked me what was my plan for the following day. I said I will work that night, so I will arrive back around 10-10.30AM, will eat something and will go to sleep. She said OK. She went to sleep when I left for work.
Finished about 9.30AM at work, arrived back to the hostel where I was living about 10AM. She was still there getting ready to go out. She asked me what was my plan again. I said to her that I wanted to go to sleep, because I had a busy night. She almost begged me to go with her for a walk, and since I was living in London I could show her a few places she didn't know about (at that time I was only at the Buckingham Palace and at the Chelsea Stadium at Stamford Bridge, I didn't explore London even I was living there about 4 months or so)
So I said OK, I will go out with her for a small walk, but I have to get back to the hostel about 2PM-ish so I can have a good sleep for next night's shift. She said that's absolutely fine, she will continue her exploration without me after that. I agreed. So sleepy and tired me went out with her for a walk.
I showed her a few of local amenities, like night clubs, bars, restaurants, a smaller museum etc. She was paying attention to everything I said. I was surprised. But who cares, I am tired and sleepy. So about 1PM she says she wants an ice cream. There was an Italian gelato shop with amazing ice creams. I said OK, we can go in there, buy whatever she wants, I'll pay, and I slowly wanted to go back to sleep to the hostel. She said that's fine.
If I was embarrassed in my life, that was that moment. I've opened my wallet, and only £5 is in my wallet. I didn't bring my debit card with myself (because why should I bring, it was in a safe place, and I didn't plan to go out). So she had to pay for my and for her ice cream. I f*cked up. I will never apologize that to myself. But it happened. Not because I didn't have money, I just didn't have it with myself.
So after she paid for both of us (I'm still sitting at the table embarrassed) I told her I will go back to the hostel, and told her if she wants to visit other places, she should go without me, so i quickly recommended a few places for her. She said she will come back with me, it's almost an hour walk, she would be bored alone. So we were walking on Baker Street, and of course she had to check out all the shop windows, and dreaming about all the stuff she can't/won't buy, but it's a feeling to walk through there. Anyway, about 3.30PM we've arrived back to the hostel. I said I want to go to sleep, but I still have to take a shower etc, but then I've decided to go straight to the bed, and I will take a shower just before I go to work. So she comes in to the room with me, she puts down her stuff like me, she stretches, and said she wants to take a break before she continues her walk. I can't stress this enough, we were in a 24-BED SHARED DORM, which means there are 22 other people in the same room with us. And all of them are OUT! Nobody is in the room! I was living in that hostel almost a month, and NEVER happened this that nobody is in the room at 3.30PM!!! So I lie down in my bed (it was the very bottom one, the beds are aligned like 3 on top of each other)
So I took down my clothes, I lied down to my bed, and she starts to change as well to her "sleeping clothes" and I'm kinda surprised, but whatever, it's none of my business.
And then the surprise came, she wants to lie down next to me, sits down next to me, and the she lays down, covers herself with my blanket, and wants to "fall asleep" next to me even when she had her own bed.
I said to myself OK whatever, I want to sleep a bit, because I'll be f*cked at the job if I don't catch up with my sleep.
So she lays next to me and slowly starts to push her back side toward my crotch. Of course I immediately went full hard, because I'm still a virgin and this was the closest ever encounter with a girl I've ever had. So she moves herself closer to my boner, she feels that I'm hard, but I still don't react, I just let her know I have a boner and poke her a bit, but honestly still want to fall asleep as fast as I can. She notices this, and pushed herself totally to me... This was the moment I knew I won't have any sleep, but I need to do something with her...
So to show her I got her sign (yeah, she wants me to do something with her, I didn't want by myself, because I still don't know what and how to do), I hugged her, and slowly I was moving my right hand closer to her hip, then slowly to her panties, and started to slowly tease her p*ssy through her clothes. I heard she started to breath faster and I knew she was aroused, even if I've never experienced it before. So after a few minutes I move my hands up, and put 2 fingers on her clit directly in her panties. She screams up from joy. I slowly started to massage her clit, stimulate, sometimes put my finger in and out. She moans. She is enjoying it. I can feel on the bed that it is shaking a bit, but she doesn't want to be loud because in any second somebody can come into the room, and we have to cancel everything. But nobody knocks, nobody comes in. I am fingering her for about 15-20 minutes, the beds are shaking, she moans louder and louder but still not enough to be heard outside of the room, just between us. Her p*ssy was so wet, it slipped in and out so smoothly I never thought it can happen to girls, I always thought that's a myth. So I'm using my right arm to finger her, and I'm balancing myself half-sit half-laying on the bed on my left arm. So after 15 minutes I lye down on the bed, and with my left arm I touch her cheeks. Dude, if you heard that scream of joy, you wouldn't believe. She was literally shaking because of that touch, she stretched all her body, it was unbelieveable. I've never felt before nor experienced when a girl came, but at that exact moment I knew she came... her fast breathing, the way her body moved, the way her p*ssy tightened then relaxed... I just can't describe it, it was unbelieveable for me. I never knew that I can make a girl come... I pull out my right hand out of her panties, and dude, honestly I thought that's it, she came, she will go the bathroom to freshen herself up and she will leave. I still had a bit time left to catch up with a sleep, so I can survive that night's shift.
How silly I was. After she became conscious again, she slowly reaches towards my p*nis, and wants to give me back the same. Once her hands reached, she felt something is wrong. I was still hard of course, but she felt that it's not as big as she would've expected. She took away her hand. She turned around, looked in my eyes (I've only saw 2 times in my life that staring, and this was one of them. When you don't stare to see his/her face, but stares through your soul, to see everything what's beyond those eyes. I only did once in my life that staring, and I knew she did the same, and I saw in her eyes that she UNDERSTOOD what's happening, that I don't have a big p*nis and what's holding me back)
After 2 minutes (still nobody is in the room, which almost seems impossible because it is a 24-bed dorm and after 4PM... no way that this is happening on this very day) she's whispering me, but I can't hear her. I've asked her 3 times when I finally understood what she was saying. She said: "I will go to take a shower, do whatever you want to do with me"
My dear friends... At that time I'm about 23 years old virgin... Never had a girlfriend... Never had s*x... Only kissed once in a lifetime, which was horrible for the girl... And she says this... Even when she felt and knew I had a small "tool"... Yet she said this... Against all odds in the universe... A 23 years old fat and ugly guy like me... It's finally happening... I can lose my virginity... With an 8/10 girl (for me at least, but maybe she was 9/10)... No way...
So she gets out of the bed, and slowly collecting her stuff for the shower. So I get up as well, stare at her ass (I'm an ass guy) and I can't believe what will happen in the next few minutes, so I collect my stuff as well for shower, and I went forward and told to her in which cabin I will be in and won't lock the door, so she can come in. I went in the cabin, and quickly washed my private parts so it wouldn't stink because of the long walk and the work before... About a minute pass, I hear she comes in, locks the door and starts to undress. Dude, Now I say she was a 9/10 girl... Small tits, probably A cup, slim, like 50-55kg and about 180cm tall, but her ass is big as I don't know... She covers herself with her hands like she is unsecure about her body. No way she is not confident. Then she finally shows herself. Shaved everywhere, just a bit of stubble at her p*ssy... Dude... No way she is that beautiful, fully naked in front of me. And she WANTS ME! Like this is some kind of fairy tale...
"This is the day I will lose my virginity..." My brain tells me... My heart tells me... My senses tell me... The UNIVERSE tells me...
So to warm up again, I slowly start to massage her clit like I did before... She moans up louder because the water is flowing from the shower and she won't be heard that easily... Another 10 minutes pass. I lay down on my knees. I start to lick her clit. It tastes like I don't know... A bit acidly, a bit sour, a bit bitter, but I can see (and hear) that she enjoys it. She is moaning, grabbing my hair, and pushes my head against her... She enjoys it. She want me... Maybe because I was there at that time. But it doesn't matter why, she wants me... When I thought she had another orgasm (and basically felt, because she was tearing out my short hair and moaned like in the bed) she collapses in the shower, can't stand on her legs... So I stand up. She stays down for a few more moment... Then she finally go to her knees, looks at my p*nis.
I don't know, and I will never know what she thought about it's size, about anything... But I believe she was kinda disappointed. But she must somehow return me the favour. Or at least that's what I thought. So she was lying on her knees, and started to s*ck my p*nis...
I've never felt that feeling before. Honestly I don't know if she was good or bad. I have no experience. But at that moment I felt I'm in heaven. I saw on her that she was trying her best. She REALLY wanted to give me a "good time". She meant it. She wanted to show me how good and greatfull she can/want to be.
I don't have to tell you, I didn't last more than 2 minutes, and I came on her face. I warned her, and told me to come on her face. Now she is on her knees covered in my cum, and I saw on her face the disappointment. Not because I finished so fast, but because I think (again this is just a guess) that she wanted me to enjoy everything for at least as long as I did to her (compared to 20-ish minutes to my 2 minutes or less)... But she did it... She blew me...
Now again, since I need to recover, I need a few minutes... And what to do in the meantime?
So I again started to finger her. Nothing else came to my mind. If I don't do anything, she will leave the shower unsatisfied. I don't want that. But I felt that this time she didn't enjoy as much as before. So I started to lick her again. Not the same effect... She needed something else. She needed that hard f*ck so she can't get up from the floor 2 days... She needed the ultimate satisfaction.
And I couldn't deliver. I couldn't f*ck her brain out. Finally when I regained strength, and I was hard again as a mountain (who wouldn't be at that sight), I tried to put it in. And I didn't reach it... We tried a few other poses, but somehow it didn't work out, it didn't go in.
I couldn't f*ck her... She deserved at least a 20cm, to f*ck her brain out, all I had is half of that, and even that didn't go in. Doesn't matter how hard we've tried it.
If you have some sort of self-confidence, this eliminates it. This destroys it, and will never come back. And it didn't come back for me since then (in "sexual life" of course). I am still a virgin. With no dignity. And it will never come back.
Since then I didn't kiss, I just jerk it off 3x a day, and this is how it is going in the last 3 years... I won't ever forgive for myself what I did (or didn't do) then. And will never be the same again. And I still need to keep up the image I built up during the years. And I will keep it that way. Just now when I'm 27 years old, I know at least why I won't have any relationship. Because if you want a happy and healthy relationship, you need a good s*xual life, which with me won't be possible. It doesn't matter how good person you are, how they will fall in love with your personality and behaviour, if you can't deliver in s*xual life what you need to bring, sooner or later someone will cheat on the partner. And I don't want that. If once I will have a wife, I want her to be satisfied with everything I have to offer. And it doesn't matter if I can provide for her/for us 99/100 stuff, if that part is missing, there will always be a doubt about cheating, because it doesn't matter if I can give her 99% she deserves, if she will find someone who can provide that 1% in s*xual life, probably will cheat on me... And I don't need that sh*t in my life. I want to provide 100% to my other half, but if I can't deliever, it's better not bother with that...
Well, that's my confession, but not for today, but for this millennium... I know nobody will read this whole article, but if you did, thank you. I hope you feel better about yourself. Believe me, you can do better than me.
So it all started with a thing that when I was about 18 years old, and I heard that almost all of my closest friends already lost their virginity (they are/were younger than me1-2 years) and I know they didn't lie, because they had girlfriends at that time, and since I am (or better say I was) a pharmacist (chemist) they were buying condoms from me. And back then I was about 85-90kg (just for reference, now I am over 120kg, height was/is still about 173-174cm and my "tool was/is still just under 12cm") I had some doubt that I can ever give a girl an orgasm with my "tool" size. So I started making up stories about my first s*x, and after that how many girls I had. Luckily I know how to tell stories, I almost never use the same word twice, and I honestly believe, storytelling is one of my stronger sides.
So I made up a story about my first time, lies followed after that. I have a good memory, and I know to who I said what and when and how, so if I had to tell again a story, I knew what I said before, and honestly, nobody knew I was lying, and a bit I started to believe in them as well. It seemed so believeable.
I was about 25 years old, when the first time I have left Eastern Europe, and went to live and work in the UK, in London. I thought there will be a new life, new opportunities and I will finally lose my virginity. Btw I was 24 when I first kissed an overweight girl (and I kinda have a kink for bigger girls like myself, so I'm not saying because I have anything against them, on the contrary) and since that was my first time, and at that time I was drunk, she kinda noticed I was unexperienced, she didn't say anything, jsut told me that she feels kinda I kissed someone a long time ago... if she knew that she was the first one... maybe she felt it... I don't know. I've never spoke with her again.
So I am working in London, and I became a night porter in a hostel. This company had 6 hostels in London, and their policy was that you can't live in the same hostel where you live and work at the same time. And my room rent went up after 2 months when I was already working in a hostel, so I thought it would be a good idea to live in a hostel for a while until I figure out what should I do next, or where should I look for my next room. So I was living in a hostel in the same company's hostel, but obviously not where I was working. It was about 20 minutes by walk between the 2 hostels. It was easy to get to the work by walk, and it was easy to go back to the hostel where I was living and where I had a good day's sleep. If you were wondering: i was working from 11PM to 9-10AM. The check-out time to the guests were until 11AM. So about 10-10.30AM when I got back to the hostel where I was living, almost everyone checked out, and who were still staying in their rooms went out to explore London, so I had every day a "good night sleep".
Anyway, one day a group of younger girls arrived (between 18-23) from The Netherlands, from Spain, and from Germany (they didn't know each other) but we were staying in the same room (24-bed mixed dorm) and almost all of them were staying over 1 week in this hostel, and since we were the "youngers" in the room, we got along quite well, like sitting down on the floor and telling stories for 5-6 hours straight. It was like getting us know each other and we became friends quite fast after the 2nd night (I was working 4 nights and had 3 days off, so I was there a few days/nights with them and participated in these conversations)
So after the 3rd or 4th day there was this very beautiful dutch girl. Let's call her Rebecca for the time being (not her real name). She recently broke up with her boyfriend, and she came to London alone to explore. She wanted to become an English teacher in The Netherlands in her local elementary school. So on this morning we were speaking about our plans. I told her that I will sleep, because I will work that night, so I need to catch up with my sleep. She went to the city centre to explore. Ok. Nothing special. I've slept during the day. She was away. I went to work about 10PM, she came back about 9PM and we had a little time to chat, she told me what she had visited that day. She asked me what was my plan for the following day. I said I will work that night, so I will arrive back around 10-10.30AM, will eat something and will go to sleep. She said OK. She went to sleep when I left for work.
Finished about 9.30AM at work, arrived back to the hostel where I was living about 10AM. She was still there getting ready to go out. She asked me what was my plan again. I said to her that I wanted to go to sleep, because I had a busy night. She almost begged me to go with her for a walk, and since I was living in London I could show her a few places she didn't know about (at that time I was only at the Buckingham Palace and at the Chelsea Stadium at Stamford Bridge, I didn't explore London even I was living there about 4 months or so)
So I said OK, I will go out with her for a small walk, but I have to get back to the hostel about 2PM-ish so I can have a good sleep for next night's shift. She said that's absolutely fine, she will continue her exploration without me after that. I agreed. So sleepy and tired me went out with her for a walk.
I showed her a few of local amenities, like night clubs, bars, restaurants, a smaller museum etc. She was paying attention to everything I said. I was surprised. But who cares, I am tired and sleepy. So about 1PM she says she wants an ice cream. There was an Italian gelato shop with amazing ice creams. I said OK, we can go in there, buy whatever she wants, I'll pay, and I slowly wanted to go back to sleep to the hostel. She said that's fine.
If I was embarrassed in my life, that was that moment. I've opened my wallet, and only £5 is in my wallet. I didn't bring my debit card with myself (because why should I bring, it was in a safe place, and I didn't plan to go out). So she had to pay for my and for her ice cream. I f*cked up. I will never apologize that to myself. But it happened. Not because I didn't have money, I just didn't have it with myself.
So after she paid for both of us (I'm still sitting at the table embarrassed) I told her I will go back to the hostel, and told her if she wants to visit other places, she should go without me, so i quickly recommended a few places for her. She said she will come back with me, it's almost an hour walk, she would be bored alone. So we were walking on Baker Street, and of course she had to check out all the shop windows, and dreaming about all the stuff she can't/won't buy, but it's a feeling to walk through there. Anyway, about 3.30PM we've arrived back to the hostel. I said I want to go to sleep, but I still have to take a shower etc, but then I've decided to go straight to the bed, and I will take a shower just before I go to work. So she comes in to the room with me, she puts down her stuff like me, she stretches, and said she wants to take a break before she continues her walk. I can't stress this enough, we were in a 24-BED SHARED DORM, which means there are 22 other people in the same room with us. And all of them are OUT! Nobody is in the room! I was living in that hostel almost a month, and NEVER happened this that nobody is in the room at 3.30PM!!! So I lie down in my bed (it was the very bottom one, the beds are aligned like 3 on top of each other)
So I took down my clothes, I lied down to my bed, and she starts to change as well to her "sleeping clothes" and I'm kinda surprised, but whatever, it's none of my business.
And then the surprise came, she wants to lie down next to me, sits down next to me, and the she lays down, covers herself with my blanket, and wants to "fall asleep" next to me even when she had her own bed.
I said to myself OK whatever, I want to sleep a bit, because I'll be f*cked at the job if I don't catch up with my sleep.
So she lays next to me and slowly starts to push her back side toward my crotch. Of course I immediately went full hard, because I'm still a virgin and this was the closest ever encounter with a girl I've ever had. So she moves herself closer to my boner, she feels that I'm hard, but I still don't react, I just let her know I have a boner and poke her a bit, but honestly still want to fall asleep as fast as I can. She notices this, and pushed herself totally to me... This was the moment I knew I won't have any sleep, but I need to do something with her...
So to show her I got her sign (yeah, she wants me to do something with her, I didn't want by myself, because I still don't know what and how to do), I hugged her, and slowly I was moving my right hand closer to her hip, then slowly to her panties, and started to slowly tease her p*ssy through her clothes. I heard she started to breath faster and I knew she was aroused, even if I've never experienced it before. So after a few minutes I move my hands up, and put 2 fingers on her clit directly in her panties. She screams up from joy. I slowly started to massage her clit, stimulate, sometimes put my finger in and out. She moans. She is enjoying it. I can feel on the bed that it is shaking a bit, but she doesn't want to be loud because in any second somebody can come into the room, and we have to cancel everything. But nobody knocks, nobody comes in. I am fingering her for about 15-20 minutes, the beds are shaking, she moans louder and louder but still not enough to be heard outside of the room, just between us. Her p*ssy was so wet, it slipped in and out so smoothly I never thought it can happen to girls, I always thought that's a myth. So I'm using my right arm to finger her, and I'm balancing myself half-sit half-laying on the bed on my left arm. So after 15 minutes I lye down on the bed, and with my left arm I touch her cheeks. Dude, if you heard that scream of joy, you wouldn't believe. She was literally shaking because of that touch, she stretched all her body, it was unbelieveable. I've never felt before nor experienced when a girl came, but at that exact moment I knew she came... her fast breathing, the way her body moved, the way her p*ssy tightened then relaxed... I just can't describe it, it was unbelieveable for me. I never knew that I can make a girl come... I pull out my right hand out of her panties, and dude, honestly I thought that's it, she came, she will go the bathroom to freshen herself up and she will leave. I still had a bit time left to catch up with a sleep, so I can survive that night's shift.
How silly I was. After she became conscious again, she slowly reaches towards my p*nis, and wants to give me back the same. Once her hands reached, she felt something is wrong. I was still hard of course, but she felt that it's not as big as she would've expected. She took away her hand. She turned around, looked in my eyes (I've only saw 2 times in my life that staring, and this was one of them. When you don't stare to see his/her face, but stares through your soul, to see everything what's beyond those eyes. I only did once in my life that staring, and I knew she did the same, and I saw in her eyes that she UNDERSTOOD what's happening, that I don't have a big p*nis and what's holding me back)
After 2 minutes (still nobody is in the room, which almost seems impossible because it is a 24-bed dorm and after 4PM... no way that this is happening on this very day) she's whispering me, but I can't hear her. I've asked her 3 times when I finally understood what she was saying. She said: "I will go to take a shower, do whatever you want to do with me"
My dear friends... At that time I'm about 23 years old virgin... Never had a girlfriend... Never had s*x... Only kissed once in a lifetime, which was horrible for the girl... And she says this... Even when she felt and knew I had a small "tool"... Yet she said this... Against all odds in the universe... A 23 years old fat and ugly guy like me... It's finally happening... I can lose my virginity... With an 8/10 girl (for me at least, but maybe she was 9/10)... No way...
So she gets out of the bed, and slowly collecting her stuff for the shower. So I get up as well, stare at her ass (I'm an ass guy) and I can't believe what will happen in the next few minutes, so I collect my stuff as well for shower, and I went forward and told to her in which cabin I will be in and won't lock the door, so she can come in. I went in the cabin, and quickly washed my private parts so it wouldn't stink because of the long walk and the work before... About a minute pass, I hear she comes in, locks the door and starts to undress. Dude, Now I say she was a 9/10 girl... Small tits, probably A cup, slim, like 50-55kg and about 180cm tall, but her ass is big as I don't know... She covers herself with her hands like she is unsecure about her body. No way she is not confident. Then she finally shows herself. Shaved everywhere, just a bit of stubble at her p*ssy... Dude... No way she is that beautiful, fully naked in front of me. And she WANTS ME! Like this is some kind of fairy tale...
"This is the day I will lose my virginity..." My brain tells me... My heart tells me... My senses tell me... The UNIVERSE tells me...
So to warm up again, I slowly start to massage her clit like I did before... She moans up louder because the water is flowing from the shower and she won't be heard that easily... Another 10 minutes pass. I lay down on my knees. I start to lick her clit. It tastes like I don't know... A bit acidly, a bit sour, a bit bitter, but I can see (and hear) that she enjoys it. She is moaning, grabbing my hair, and pushes my head against her... She enjoys it. She want me... Maybe because I was there at that time. But it doesn't matter why, she wants me... When I thought she had another orgasm (and basically felt, because she was tearing out my short hair and moaned like in the bed) she collapses in the shower, can't stand on her legs... So I stand up. She stays down for a few more moment... Then she finally go to her knees, looks at my p*nis.
I don't know, and I will never know what she thought about it's size, about anything... But I believe she was kinda disappointed. But she must somehow return me the favour. Or at least that's what I thought. So she was lying on her knees, and started to s*ck my p*nis...
I've never felt that feeling before. Honestly I don't know if she was good or bad. I have no experience. But at that moment I felt I'm in heaven. I saw on her that she was trying her best. She REALLY wanted to give me a "good time". She meant it. She wanted to show me how good and greatfull she can/want to be.
I don't have to tell you, I didn't last more than 2 minutes, and I came on her face. I warned her, and told me to come on her face. Now she is on her knees covered in my cum, and I saw on her face the disappointment. Not because I finished so fast, but because I think (again this is just a guess) that she wanted me to enjoy everything for at least as long as I did to her (compared to 20-ish minutes to my 2 minutes or less)... But she did it... She blew me...
Now again, since I need to recover, I need a few minutes... And what to do in the meantime?
So I again started to finger her. Nothing else came to my mind. If I don't do anything, she will leave the shower unsatisfied. I don't want that. But I felt that this time she didn't enjoy as much as before. So I started to lick her again. Not the same effect... She needed something else. She needed that hard f*ck so she can't get up from the floor 2 days... She needed the ultimate satisfaction.
And I couldn't deliver. I couldn't f*ck her brain out. Finally when I regained strength, and I was hard again as a mountain (who wouldn't be at that sight), I tried to put it in. And I didn't reach it... We tried a few other poses, but somehow it didn't work out, it didn't go in.
I couldn't f*ck her... She deserved at least a 20cm, to f*ck her brain out, all I had is half of that, and even that didn't go in. Doesn't matter how hard we've tried it.
If you have some sort of self-confidence, this eliminates it. This destroys it, and will never come back. And it didn't come back for me since then (in "sexual life" of course). I am still a virgin. With no dignity. And it will never come back.
Since then I didn't kiss, I just jerk it off 3x a day, and this is how it is going in the last 3 years... I won't ever forgive for myself what I did (or didn't do) then. And will never be the same again. And I still need to keep up the image I built up during the years. And I will keep it that way. Just now when I'm 27 years old, I know at least why I won't have any relationship. Because if you want a happy and healthy relationship, you need a good s*xual life, which with me won't be possible. It doesn't matter how good person you are, how they will fall in love with your personality and behaviour, if you can't deliver in s*xual life what you need to bring, sooner or later someone will cheat on the partner. And I don't want that. If once I will have a wife, I want her to be satisfied with everything I have to offer. And it doesn't matter if I can provide for her/for us 99/100 stuff, if that part is missing, there will always be a doubt about cheating, because it doesn't matter if I can give her 99% she deserves, if she will find someone who can provide that 1% in s*xual life, probably will cheat on me... And I don't need that sh*t in my life. I want to provide 100% to my other half, but if I can't deliever, it's better not bother with that...
Well, that's my confession, but not for today, but for this millennium... I know nobody will read this whole article, but if you did, thank you. I hope you feel better about yourself. Believe me, you can do better than me.
