I got upset and ran out of my house and ended up on the beach. I walked and came across these two men who were smoking and drinking. They did their thing to me and left me there and went away. I was found by a passerby and taken to an emergency room where my parents were called.

I got counseling and I got well and went on to finish school and go to college. I was a freshman and I met a guy and he asked me if I wanted to go to a party and I ended up in my dorm room with him fucking me slowly while I told him about that night at the beach and what those men had done. He finished fucking me and we slept together. I saw him all our time on campus and he got free fucks whenever he wanted. At a pizza parlor I went under the table to give him a blow job. That has not happened again but it did happen once while we were in college.

I started counseling again but it never helped the first time and it didn't help in college. We live in the same city, I went there because he lives there or he brought me here because he lives here, in any event he brought me here to live. When he comes to see me he we always have sex. I am supposed to have self esteem but that never happens. I met this woman that works with him and I stuck to him all night. She doesn't believe me that I am always with him, I don't ever have see anyone else. She doesn't know about the night I ran out of the house, he swears he has never told anyone. I don't want him to have a girlfriend and he tells me he doesn't need another girlfriend to put up with.

I don't ever think about that night, I know about it but I don't think about it. I think about him, my college boyfriend, that is what I think about it, I think about him every day, morning, noon and night. I have an unhealthy 'attachment' to him. We go out all the time, I am always with him and he doesn't ever leave me at home alone. That night he met that woman from work he had picked me up to go with them. I know but I can't control it that I have an uncontrolled need for him to have sex with me. I can't behave 'normal' until after we have sex.

That woman called me to see if I couldn't give them some room to go out. I said no, I didn't think about it I just said no. She probably thinks I am some sort of sister to him. She is mistaken I'm not.

I don't get cold sweats or any other manifestations when I talk about that night I ran out of the house, I know what happened, it is a movie in my head and it is in black and white and not color. I don't have any triggers. The only so called trauma is that I have an unhealthy attachment. Sorry it is not more sordid than this, my sex life with him is pretty normal, no pushing or shoving or anything like that, mostly just hugging and kissing and making love.