Having hard time with my orientation. My family is very uptight about everything from politics to religion & especially sex. I'm 19 & have always seemed to my parents as the christian jock. That means I always went to church with them or same church & was always into sports. I'm very masculine in my looks & just how I am other than I don't have much body hair like other guys my age. I dated a girl when I was 16. I really liked her lots. We were more best friends than anything but we were having sex too. My parents seemed to think she wasn't the type who would do it before marriage since she too went to our church. We had a lot of sex. It felt really good & like now, I was always horny. I think I even have a problem with being too horny since I need to get off three times a day. When having sex, I need to go two times in a row or I'm still left some horny but the first round goes fast since my penis is so sensitive from overly horny that it won't take much before I feel orgasm & the ejaculation is near. After dating that girl about a year, we broke up on the sex part. My best friend who was staying over a lot started doing stuff with me. My parents have no clue he's gay but he was staying over a lot & at night, he was sucking it off for me. He'd get it off two or sometimes three times a night when he stayed over. He'd jerk his own off after mine went the last time.


I moved out into a studio type apartment last October. I work & go to a community college at the same time so I don't have a lot of time to do sports as much or hang out with a lot of my old friends. I show up at the church twice a month now just to make my parents happy. My best friend who is gay, is staying over at my place more & more. I still talk with my ex gf a lot but it's mostly my guy friend who comes to hang out or sleep over. I only have one double bed so you know where he sleeps. When I first got moved, things were similar me getting bjs. The big difference was he started edging it for me which feels so good. I was able to more relax & try to not nut until it couldn't last & when it finally cums it's so powerful that I do yell pretty loud. Once a week he was doing that a few hours on Saturday nights since I'd cum a good three times from it. He ended up jerking off two times since it got him so turned on. That went on until the holidays & he always had been hinting for me to get on top of him to do other stuff. I realized I do have a lot of feelings for him. I really care a lot about him. I like how he looks. I know he likes how I look. I even love how he smells. I love the shape of his butt. Last December, one night he was over, we did it for the first time. He'd never done it & neither had I. Instead of mine getting sucked at first, I lubed it & did it with him on his stomach & me on top. It felt so good. We did it twice & I was ready to go a thrird time but he wanted me to pull out so he could finish it off in bj so it was really three times it got off. He got off three times too because he got off twice when I did it to him even without him touching himself it went. I had to pull out fast since it was about to ejaculate again but it was in time for him to get his mouth on it to suck & he jerked his off as mine was ejaculating again. It all feels so good & I know that I'm gay but I'm what you'd call a total top since I love what we do but I'd not want to get it & he would't want that either. We aren't versatile at all since he's total bottom while I'm total top which works great for us but he's always pushing for us to go out like a couple. That's where the problem is. He says I must tell my parents & let it be what it will & that we need to go places like normal couples. I know he's right at least about going out places since that's what couples do but I'm so paranoid. All my friends from school, sports & family think I'm straight. No one would even buy into a bi thing with me but I know I'm gay since I want the person I'm with & if it were only sex, I'd rather have my penis in a tight butt than a vagina. I can't explain why but I feel more manly when my penis is in his butt than back when I used to do ex gf. I'm confussed by why it makes me feel more manly or why I even need to feel like that or why I'm so paranoid since I'm 19 fully gorwn not a kid.