I used to work for a construction company as a secretary. All the guys would be polite and respectful to my face, but I've heard several talk about how they would "absolutely plow me" or make me "beg for it" when they thought I wasn't around. I'd just pretend I wouldn't hear.

A few months ago, before quarantine started, I had to work late and was the last one to leave. The area was very rural and never felt dangerous.
It was a job site that was being run from a trailer where my desk was. I had parked behind the trailer.

I had just locked the door and was turning the corner to walk to my car. I was exhausted and ready to get home and enjoy the weekend. I noticed both bulbs were out. I had just gotten to the corner when it occurred to me that they both shouldn't be out. A man in a ski mask ambushed me.
I started to scream but he shoved himself against me, into the wall, covered my mouth, held his arm around my throat, and told me in a fake-raspy voice that he would slit my throat if I made any noise. I was terrified and felt powerless. It was like my arms were jello. I couldn't even lift them.

Then he forced me to the ground and started ripping down my pants. When I screamed "no!" he warned me again that he would kill me if I screamed anymore. Then he r**ed me.

Close to the end he called me a "fucking bitch" because he thought I had peed on him. He roughly forced my face into the ground and fucked me harder for a few minutes until he came inside me.
You could hear his hips slap against my ass just echo through the job site.

I hadn't peed on him. I had squirted.
I've never squirted so hard in my life. It just kept coming out of me. I just stayed on the ground with my ass up in the air for a few minutes while my body tingled and that sensation of blood gathering under your skin welled up in my ass and face.

While he had fucked me, I started whimpering. He kept telling me to shut up. He probably thought I was crying. I was trying not to moan.

After he was done, my nipples were so hard they hurt and my pussy was dripping out my wetness and his cum.

His cock wasn't the biggest I'd ever had, but it being forced into me while I was scared made me so tight. I felt every vein and inch of him. I can still imagine what he felt like. I can hear my vagina queefing and squelching as this asshole just kept ramming himself into me.

Now I keep hoping it happens again. I don't know what's wrong with me, but I crave it.
I think I know which guy did it, and I started staying late one night a week since then, but it never happened. Then quarantine started and now I'm stuck at home reliving that night.

Is this normal? Has anyone else ever felt like this?
I started researching r**e fantasies but most of the women want role-play. I actually want the real thing. I know it's dangerous and wrong, but I can't stop thinking about that night.

I've gotten tested since then and I don't have an STI, but the idea of a stranger violating me gets me wet now to the point that I've started watching r**e porn and pretending I'm the girl in the video.