Straight Female / 41
Barefoot Cousin Fred Ruined 4th Of July
Well it's the Fourth of July and I was throwing a Cookout this year inviting my friends, family, kid's friends, neighbors, coworkers, and my boss to have a hell of a fun time but one person that wasn't invited was my drunk barefoot redneck cousin Fred who showed up wearing a Budweiser Cowboy Hat, a Cowboy Vest, Bottomless Chaps, an American Flag Thong, and he was barefoot and had a bottle of Budweiser in his hand and got on top of the Kids Table and began singing Hulk Hogan's Real American and he then threw his vest off and his bare feet was getting in my sons' Zachary and Jeremy's Hamburgers as Fred's Drunk Dumbass than broke the table causing food to spill all over himself, my kids, and their friends.
Then after that Fred than grabbed fireworks meant for the kids, put them up his but, lit the fuse, farted and then fireworks went blasting off out of Fred's Ass into the Swimming Pool, the Neighbor's Houses, birdbath, doghouse, and knocked my boss's toupee off of his head revealing his bald head.
Then Fred ran inside my house with smoke coming out of his house and about 30 Minutes Later Fred returned from the restroom in his thong as he now had a stuffed horse on a stick and galloped around the backyard that was still smoking from Fred's Fireworks trick, than he began to masturbate with the horse and then approached me and my friends and then tried to give my best friend Teresa a Lap Dance and then got her out of her chair and tried to do the horse dance with her before she kicked him in the balls as Fred went back into my house.
Fred than came back outside as my kids were getting some Cupckes that Teresa had baked, and was now wearing my fucking underwear and had bananas as he got on top of the desert table and began to dance with bananas. Fred than took a banana and stuffed it inside his thong and began to give himself a blowjob with it as me and all of my friends, family, co workers, neighbors, and my boss all looked on in horror.
Then Fred than began to smell his goddamn feet in front of everyone and my kids were totally grossed out by their uncle's stupidity. Fred than squirted a bottle of mustard and began to lick his feet as we were all getting grossed out by Fred's antics. Then Fred grabbed my hamburger, put his foot in my hamburger, and sucked his toes on my hamburger as I was enraged I punched Fred in the balls and hit him upside the head with a Guitar as Fred fell off the table and fell into the Pool as my Uncle and his friends all dragged Fred's drunk dumbass out of my house as we all began to light up the sky with Fireworks. Happy Independence Day.
Then after that Fred than grabbed fireworks meant for the kids, put them up his but, lit the fuse, farted and then fireworks went blasting off out of Fred's Ass into the Swimming Pool, the Neighbor's Houses, birdbath, doghouse, and knocked my boss's toupee off of his head revealing his bald head.
Then Fred ran inside my house with smoke coming out of his house and about 30 Minutes Later Fred returned from the restroom in his thong as he now had a stuffed horse on a stick and galloped around the backyard that was still smoking from Fred's Fireworks trick, than he began to masturbate with the horse and then approached me and my friends and then tried to give my best friend Teresa a Lap Dance and then got her out of her chair and tried to do the horse dance with her before she kicked him in the balls as Fred went back into my house.
Fred than came back outside as my kids were getting some Cupckes that Teresa had baked, and was now wearing my fucking underwear and had bananas as he got on top of the desert table and began to dance with bananas. Fred than took a banana and stuffed it inside his thong and began to give himself a blowjob with it as me and all of my friends, family, co workers, neighbors, and my boss all looked on in horror.
Then Fred than began to smell his goddamn feet in front of everyone and my kids were totally grossed out by their uncle's stupidity. Fred than squirted a bottle of mustard and began to lick his feet as we were all getting grossed out by Fred's antics. Then Fred grabbed my hamburger, put his foot in my hamburger, and sucked his toes on my hamburger as I was enraged I punched Fred in the balls and hit him upside the head with a Guitar as Fred fell off the table and fell into the Pool as my Uncle and his friends all dragged Fred's drunk dumbass out of my house as we all began to light up the sky with Fireworks. Happy Independence Day.
