Sex Confession #4734 | Adult Confessions

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Now that the youngest has graduated from college and has his own apartment, I've decided to give my wife the boot.

For 25 years, all "The Princess" has done is shop, lunch with friends, and get her hair and nails done. She's had au pairs to raise the kids, a housekeeper to cook and clean, a landscaper for the yard, and me to pay for everything. Why? These mysterious ailments that keep her from lifting a finger unless its something she wants to do like go to the theater or a show for her yappy dogs (3 with a combined weight of 18 lbs if soaking wet and wearing their rhinestone collars).

She's had her own suite of rooms in the house for the past 10 years because she can't sleep with anyone else. Dr. Feelgood recommended it. So king sized bed, big screen tv, jacuzzi bath, and a private balcony all paid for by me.

Did I mention I'm lucky to have sex with her once a month (usually two days after her period when she's horny).

The question is, how do I get rid of her without losing my shirt. any suggestions other than murder?

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# 4734 - by Anonymous / April 14, 2004

Comments

by Anonymous on Apr 14, 2004 at 12:07 PM

Start stashing as much money as you can in a Swiss bank account or somewhere that she can't get her hands on it and no one can find it but you. Start making her go crazy---rearrange all the furniture in your house everyday before she comes home when she's out---and then when she asks you if it's changed, tell her "No honey, the furniture has always been this way, don't you remember?". Start calling your kids and telling them crazy things she has done and about how worried you are about her sanity. Say she leaves the stove and sink and all this other stuff on and forgets to turn it off. Make it look like she's trying to kill you. Attempted murder charges will go a long way and not only that, but do it all just right and she could go to prison for life. You could easily justify the murder idea if you have a large life insurance policy that pays out a pretty penny. Again, another good way to make her go crazy. When talking about an event or story, contradict everything she says and make it sound like she has no idea what she's talking about. Try to commit her if possible. If you can make her look crazy enough, the doctors will believe you before they believe her and then when you go to divorce her, you can throw all this stuff up in her face and show that she's not stable enough to know what's good and what isn't. Do whatever you can to drive her crazy and make it look like she's trying to kill you. Plant drugs on her and make it look like she's a drug addict and then call the police and tell them that you found these drugs and are concerned about your wife and blah blah blah. They'll lock her up for a good long while and you can divorce her from prison. You can get out of having to pay her much of anything (Let's face it, you're gonna have to pay something, but you can reduce what it is you're going to pay) by making her look real bad or putting her in prison. If she's in prison, it makes no sense for her to be given the house or cars for example because if she's in for a number of years, like 10 to 20, then what's the point? Just get creative and start thinking about different legal ways you can do it to get her out of the way, whether through insanity or jail time.

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by Anonymous on Apr 14, 2004 at 12:24 PM

If you decide to go through with any kind of frame up, leave no evidence. Literally destroy your computer hard drive. Deleting your internet history file is not enough. If you don't know what your hard drive is then get rid of the entire box.

by Anonymous on Apr 14, 2004 at 3:56 PM

What are these mysterious illnesses? Maybe one of them fits the "loathsome sickness" qualification for divorce in several states.

by Anonymous on Apr 14, 2004 at 7:26 PM

Realistically - its cheaper to keep her - in a way. You just go your own way. Invent business trips. Start another life some distance away from her. If she starts some noises about divorce, soothe her alarm with some money. Sounds like youve got plenty to play with, so just placate - avoid - placate - avoid.

by Anonymous on Apr 15, 2004 at 1:01 PM

My ex-wife was the same type of gal. Gorgeous, real classy acting in public, but a spoiled rotten bitch. After the first year of marriage, I put her on an allowance so she couldn't do but so much harm to our finances. Unfortunately, her dad was slipping her $1000 a month in "mad money" on the side until he died about 10 years ago. She didn't even visit the poor bastard the last 3 years of his life, but he faithfully sent the checks every month.

Once there was no more money coming from daddy and she had to live on what I gave her ($300 a month spending money), she started squawking about being depressed. Her doctor said she needed rest and therapy, so he sent her to a place out in Arizona for two months. Best two months of my life. Day before she was due to come back, she called to say she needed to stay longer. "Fine, darlin'" I told her. Then I called my lawyer. Turns out it was easier to divorce her than I thought. $90,000 and I was free. Money well spent.

by Anonymous on Apr 15, 2004 at 4:03 PM

Man, if you're really as wealthy as you say you are, then I pray to God you got a prenuptual agreement. If not, you're screwed.

by Anonymous on Apr 15, 2004 at 4:07 PM

I had to pay my ex-wife $65G's plus she got to keep her car. Then she ahd the nerve to call me about eight months later and ask for more cash. I yelled fuck you into the phone and hung up. God that felt good.

by Anonymous on Apr 16, 2004 at 8:30 AM

My lawyer and acct agree that I can't afford to divorce my wife. Why? Because she gave up her "career" to raise the kids. Her lawyer estimates she'd be earning six figures a year if she hadn't stayed home. So I'm stuck with a fat whiney, neurotic bitch.

by Anonymous on Apr 16, 2004 at 1:18 PM

Most of the time - its cheaper to keeper.

by Anonymous on Apr 16, 2004 at 2:23 PM

No offense guys, but you need to learn how to control your women. Most chicks won't pull this shit, if they are (ahem)satisfied.

by Anonymous on Apr 16, 2004 at 9:12 PM

Cost me 250,000 to get rid of my "princess" and I figure it was worth twice that. Remember folks,there's no price on fun. I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Sometimes it's good to get out there and live on the edge a little,just to know you're still alive.

by Anonymous on Apr 16, 2004 at 9:14 PM

Get the best lawyer you can afford and with careful planning,you could shake the bitch for a nominal fee and get on with the good life.

by Anonymous on Apr 16, 2004 at 9:18 PM

Don't listen to post # 66. That's bullshit and not worth the hassel. That's a small mind talking there.

by Anonymous on Apr 21, 2004 at 12:20 PM

It's like that song that goes "Girls don't like boys. Girls like cars and money". It's so true. Women are goldigging bitches who only want material things and babies from men.

by Anonymous on Apr 22, 2004 at 10:38 AM

Sometimes the threat of divorce is all it takes to put things back to order. My princess is now the sweetest wife alive.

by Anonymous on Apr 24, 2004 at 12:16 PM

Talk to your female friends. Get the divorce lawyer they recomend.
Before you serve the papers, have sex and give her a "dirty Sanchez." At least that will make you feel better.

by Anonymous on Apr 24, 2004 at 7:10 PM

What's a dirty sanchez? Something to do with farting in her face I think?

by Anonymous on Apr 25, 2004 at 8:30 AM

You fuck her from beihind, stick your finger in her ass, and rub the shit above her lip like a chocolate mustache.

by Anonymous on Oct 17, 2011 at 4:02 PM

You have to move. Move to a place where divorce benefits you.

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