Don't Pinch Me , I Don't Want To Wake Up From This Dream

I am betrayed by my emotions. I can go head to head with just about anyone. I can control my emotions. I grew up in the hood. I can confront.

Except with this man I married in college. I am a total pushover. I know that him getting me at eighteen influences everything. I wasn't old enough, maybe legal but still not old enough. One time and I have followed him from one end of the country to the other, set up and torn down four homes, brought three children into the world, all for him.

I never thought I would have an Anglo name, live two thousand miles from my family, agree to cook, not having to work, be a man's number two in life. I have great kids, a beautiful built for me home, a comfortable allowance, summer vacations on the beach, nice clothes and j*welry, every penny earned for me and my kids by my husband.

Emotions. My husband loves me, too much. I sometimes just sit and look at him. How in the world did I end up here. I don't deserve it. I get emotional about it all. I never lived in a home, we never had a car or washer and dryer. I went to college on a scholarship. If another man had come along I would be in the hood.

And that's why I cry when I am alone. My life can't be real.