Horrible Secret

I feel terrible admitting this but I have always been secretly jealous of my friends that were m**ested when they were younger. I know being m**ested is a horrible terrible thing that can mess up someone's childhood, but honestly picturing a hot teacher or coach or my dad taking advantage of me when I was young is the only way I can cum now. Not like when I was really young like a kid or anything, but like when I was more like 14 on and could enjoy what was happening. I used to think that I felt this way because I thought I wasn't pretty enough or noone desired me enough to m**est me, but I'm 22 now and realized that the thought of someone touching and fondling me sexuality who isn't supposed to is like the ultimate turn on. I know I'm too old to have it happen anymore, but I secretly wish that when I was younger I would have dressed more revealing or worn more makeup or flirted more or something that would have led to it happening. I had a great childhood with amazing parents, but sometimes resent them for being too protective so that the opportunity never presented itself. Don't get me wrong, I feel so totally bad for anyone else that had to go through this , but just really wish someone had done it to me