Used My Brain, Not My Heart...

I dumped the woman that I actually love years ago because I was so insecure about where I was in life. Neither of us had good jobs and I had no confidence that I would ever be able to support myself. I married a safer woman who had just started a promising career, and was the same religion as me. I was so worried about upsetting my parents that I only used my brain for this decision and not my heart at all. My wife has been very good to me, and together we both make alot of money now. My parents are very proud of the life I have gone on to have and it does have its rewards.

I have never stopped thinking about my ex, and everything I do is fueled by "maybe I will see her again someday." For the first time in 6 years and 1 month to the day, I will be seeing her tonight under the worst circumstance possible, a mutual friend has passed away. It has been a roller coaster of emotions all week at both the loss, and the thought I will be seeing her again. I am going to make sure to get in and out quick, and not do any drinking so I dont spill any truths. I accept that fact that I made my choice 6 years ago, but I needed to get this off my chest and cannot talk to anyone that I know about it. If I had confidence in myself back then, and knew that I would eventually be able to be a provider, I would have done things differently.

Feels good to put that out there.