I Feel Like I’m Sick

I’ve had a crush on my stepdaughter, who is 25, for about a year now. I used to have a crush on her when she was in high school, but, thankfully never acted on it. Back then, I had wanted to be her first time. She would unknowingly tease me and get me hard when asking me to put aloe on her sunburn by popping her bra off, etc. Again, thankfully I did not act on my wishes as I’m afraid that would have really messed her head up. She used to “tease” me by saying things like “the car is too crowded, guess I’ll have to sit on your lap.” I’m ashamed to say, I used to masturbate to her back then.

During her senior year of high school, we had a big time falling out. She hated me. It was mostly my fault as I lost my crap when she told me she was dating a freshman. She was 18 at the time and he was 15. I’m not sure, but pretty sure she had sex with him for her first time. So, at the time, I was afraid if so, and he told anyone, she could be charged as a sex offender if the wrong people found out.

Anyway, the next few years we were still a bit estranged. She made a huge mistake and eloped at 20 years old (thank God not to the same boy). Her mom and I found out about six months later. Broke her mom’s heart.

When she was 22, she got pregnant with her daughter. Once her daughter was born, they (her and the child) moved in with us as the father would not put the bottle down.

She has since completed her divorce and moved out of our house, but less than a mile away so we still see both her and the child. She is not dating anyone right now.

I’m very encouraged by her actions with her daughter and as an adult, and my crush now is more emotionally, though she does have a pretty solid looking mom bod.

One day, she came over to use my laptop. She left without signing out. One day, when I went to use my laptop, I noticed her email was up, and one of the emails was from a “sugar daddy” site. So, knowing her user ID on there, I made my own account without adding a photo. This was about six months ago. I found her profile and checked it out. Thankfully she was not looking like a whore on there and only had public photos. For a little bit, I’d check to see if she was on. It always would say her last log on was “over a month ago”. I stopped checking for about a month.

Then, last week, for some reason I logged on. I noticed it had said she was online 1 day ago. It showed she had checked my (fake) profile. It also now showed she had uploaded a “private” photo. She even sent a message to me stating “Hey! Spoil me, daddy.” If she only knew how close to literal that term is.

I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach, almost getting physically ill. Oh shit, what to I do? I replied back with a hello, etc., and requested access to her private photos. The next day, she replied with some small talk and had given me access to all her photos. To my delight, the “private” photo is pretty tasteful, just shows her in a piece of sexy, black lingerie that was somewhat sheer and you can see she’s wearing a thong. There is just the smallest view of the bottom of her ass cheeks. I was really afraid of what I’d see, though I couldn’t stop getting hard when I saw it.

Well, it’s been about a week and we are messaging back and forth mostly “getting to know you” type questions and answers. I’m very happy that she’s been honest about the aspects of her life, and so far has been very respectful, complimentary, and positive when she talks about me (part of why I started communicating with her).

We have started to talk dirty a bit, etc., and I’m getting to the point of asking about her experiences, including her first time. I hope I can handle that answer.

I know this is all sorts of messed up, but it’s helping me appreciate her more. I’m also getting information from the past that she would never have given me so I can understand any damage I may have done to her then.